Family Issues 2

So-called 'family hook-ups' don't always work, this 2nd example will clearly show this. The reason why they sometimes don't work is because the families or family friend are trying to bring together 2 opposite people in a bid to marry them to each other. Fat chance!

Summer 2009

One beautiful day, my mother sends my sister & I to bring our aunty  from her mother's house (our grand-ma) to our house, she was meant to stay a few days with us. We set off to the other side of the city and arrived at the house which was filled with women - some we knew but most were unknown. Regardless, we greeted each one indivudually and sat down as we were being scrutinised from head-to-toe. Women from my country like to comment to details, little time had passed before they began commenting on my sister's abaya and hijab and my jilbab, enquiring almost in a rude way 'why I was not teaching my sister to wear the jilbab' and 'why wasn't she dressed like I was'. I was defending my newly-practising sister by saying that she'll wear it in due time and that she's covered up decently, no need to rub it in.

Anyway, no need to say that I was getting a lot of attention that day. The aunt we came to get is very sweet but she exaggerates things a lot (another typical feature of Somaali women) so she was telling the other women about my religious dedication (lol) and my love for the Deen whilst multiplicating and engrossing the facts. As a result, all the women were alternating between the tahmid (alhamdulilaah) and the tasbih (subhanallah) as well as the 'mashAllaah' in many folds. It was getting a bit uncomfortable for me and I couldn't wait to get out of there and go home. As we were preparing to leave, my father's cousin (my aunt) asked me for my number. I love her so I had no objection to give it out. She was sitting at the other side of the room so I was telling her my number.. 'okay it's 078...' easily in the hearing range of everyone else. Little did I know that a strange woman was also taking my number down.

We finally managed to leave the house with our aunt as well as that woman since we were heading to the same station. On the way to the station, the lady wouldn't stop talking to me and complimenting me. I mean, I've become deaf to praise (walhamdulilah) but this was something else! She began to mention her son slyly but I could see her game and was quite honest with her. She went her way and we went ours.

One day, she called me and I quickly remembered her voice, she said that I was still in her mind and that she still loved me (I only met her once?!) -i don't understand what it is with the emotional blackmail lol- and that her son was still available. I gently declined but with these type of women, gently declining is like agreeing. That's something I learnt.

Ramadan 2009

Few weeks after that incident, the blessed month of Ramadan began and this whole thing went at the back of my mind. I didn't even tell my mother because I thought I handled the situation rather well, oh how wrong was I to belittle the scheme of women!

The month flew by and soon we had entered into the last 10 days. I remember clearly on the 27th night of Ramadan, we had begged our mother to let us stay & complete the taraweeh with the Imam (it would end a bit before midnight), she allowed us but she was worried. I decided to put my phone on vibrate so that if she calls then I'd finish my rak'at and leave. Whilst in the prayer, my phone rang once. Twice. Thirce. Four times, five times. It wouldn't stop vibrating! I thought: that's not mother for sure, who is calling me at this time of this blessed night?

Checked my phone and it was a funny number that I didn't have saved. I ignored it but it called again as I was going home so I picked up and the voice said: 'Hello..hallo'. It was a man's voice so I hunged up immediately. I texted asking who the person was, and the person replied with broken english. I tried to remind him of the importance of this night and his disturbance was not needed especially at this time. I had decided to call the woman in the morning and make myself clear to her because she had crossed 'the' line.

I prepared a speech on a piece of paper with my points numbered in the right order and I called her. I told her she had made a mistake and that it wasn't right for her to pass my number. I insisted on the religious error she committed and she didn't like it very much saying 'Habo, I know the religion too.' ''/ All in all, as she was talking the line got cut and she never called back.

Last year, I was told that her son married someone back home and I saw the wedding clip lol. All I can say is Allaah's Qadr outreaches all other things. I learnt that the son worked in an internet cafe and that the mother was worried about the girls that he was meeting and she wanted to secure a religious girl for her son. Once again, this selfish attitude is to be denounced! I'm not mentioning these annecdotes for the sake of it but this is a trend lately. Good, pure sisters are hooked up with funny, dodgy brothers who have little to offer her. This is usually done behind the parents' back despite them knowing the girl's parents and sometimes being related to them.

All I can say is that I've grown wiser & stronger from these experiences and I have learnt to expect the unexpected. Family hook-ups are a no-no for me unless it's coming from my parents, I don't mind them because I know they want the best for me but other than them, no thank you.

Sisters, be careful and say NO to the emotional blackmail that is going around.