2 Best Marriage Proposals Scenarios (Part 1)

Scenario 1:

Requirements: a good religious brother, a good religious sister, a nice wali, piety & tawakul (trust in Allah), lots of good & well-informed people/community

Brother Ahmad is a young practising brother who is looking to get married, he hears of Sister Khadija & decides to further enquire about her. He asks people around the community who might know her to give some insight into who the sister is, her family, her status (maybe she’s already married?). Maybe she is active within Islamic circles? Or maybe she is related to some people Ahmad knows? Maybe Khadija attends the same activities as Ahmad? Regardless, he finds informations about her & he is very happy about what the feedback he is receiving so he decides to pray istikhara & goes forth with it. He somehow manages to see Khadija outside to have a quick look before taking the first step in contacting the wali. Few days later, he is shown who the wali (most usually the father) of Khadija is & starts giving him salams in the masjid or wherever he sees him.

 Ahmad informs his parents concerning his intentions of going to Khadija’s father & asks his family to try and gather as much extra info he could do with. One evening, after Maghrib, brother Ahmad with his heart almost ripping his chest approaches Uncle Musa (Khadija’s father) accompanied by his father. Ahmad’s father calmly explains his son’s desire to get to know Khadija within the well-defined Islamic limits. Uncle Musa accepts & the very same evening informs Khadija regarding the news, Khadija is surprised but excited and agrees to get to know Ahmad. Within the next weeks, Ahmad comes regularly at Khadija’s house to discuss various issues pertaining to marriage, their views on different issues, to question one another, to present their ideas ect.. The meetings are carefully arranged & Uncle Musa is never too far away from the living-room. After a good number of meetings & with a determined heart, Ahmad decides to ask Khadija’s hand in marriage to her father. Uncle Musa asks Khadija and she blushes profusely & softly manages to say: ‘yes, abu’.

The happy news is spread & the wedding is scheduled.

Notes: In this scenario you do not find any of the following things:

-          No contact with the sister before the Wali is informed of the brother’s intention

-          No mixed message coming from the brother

-          No dodgy, secret and weird meetings outside the university or coffee place

-          No exchanging of pictures or phone calls

-          No naughtiness : p

Good things you find in this scenario:

-          Tawakkul in Allaah (swt)

-          A determined & well-prepared ‘plan’

-          Good information regarding what he is putting himself into

-          Honest & genuine approach

Scenario 2 will be published shortly inshallaah.

Marrying someone back home

Assalam 'Aleikum everyone,

Recently, two friends of mine married someone from 'back home' & I thought I would discuss the advantages & (potential) disadvantages of such a marriage.

Marrying someone ‘back home’ is starting to sound more appealing especially when I look at the state of brothers in the UK (see next post inshallaah) and here’s a quick list of the positive + negative points I came up with, feel free to add on in the comment section.

Positive Points:

-          Usually people ‘back home’ when they are religious are deeply religious, that’s something I noticed. They usually memorise the Qur’an at a young age & with tajweed, they usually have a good grasp of Arabic (depending where the country is), they have a good level of worship, in short, they tend to be serious with the deen. They are not stuck in the ridiculous debates we have been stuck in for the past 10yrs; they tend to be far-sighted & more humble. (Notice how I've used the word ‘usually’ 3 times in a row? I stress on the fact that not everyone is necessary like that.)

-          For brothers, well, the sisters ‘back home’ tend to be amazing chefs so I guess that’s a relief for most of you. They also tend to be good house-keepers, usually very shy women as well (something that sisters in the West are losing sadly). They’re also mature & you’d see a sister as young as 16 able to do so many things and be ready to be a mother. They don't moan too much and usually easily contented.

-          If you want to leave the West & its mad lifestyle and always wished to return to your homeland, the idea of marrying ‘back home’ might sound very attractive. Life ‘back home’ is sweet, stress-free and you genuinely feel at home and at peace.

-          People ‘back home’ obviously have good knowledge of the culture of the country so if you’ve always wanted your future children to know about your culture, then this might be a good solution. (A lot of people nowadays think that culture = bid'ah but I don't agree with this equation. Yes, in some cases the culture is in blatent opposition with Islam however, in other cases the culture & the deen go hand-in-hand.)

-          For sisters, I think most men from ‘back home’ are ‘real’ men who have gheerah (good jealousy) for their women, who protect them and take care of them. Many men in the West have real issues & don’t care about the women of their families let alone their wives. I have heard of many cases where the woman provides for the husband & is the one who pays the rent & brings the bread to the table (you may think: 'maybe the husband is ill or disabled? No, the husband is physically fit) -_- this would be an unimaginable scenario back home.

-          Mostly, the religious young people ‘back home’ have been preserved from the fitan of shamelessness/nakedness/free mixing/nightclubs or the rest of it & tend to be traditional in the way they behave, dress, act.. That’s a very strong advantage especially when you compare to the confused state of many young people in the West who are struck between their parents & their ‘high-school/university’ mates.

Negative Points:

-          Language Barrier: if you can’t speak your mother tongue fluently & the person ‘back home’ isn’t that fluent in English then misunderstandings will be very frequent. I mean, imagine you tell them a joke & they get angry at you because they misunderstood the joke or they ask you something & you have no idea what they’re asking. Communication is THE key for a successful marriage and language is THE way to communicate so make sure the two of you can easily understand one another before ‘tying the knot’.

-          Cultural Clash: yeah this is another big potential risk to bear in mind. They have traditions & ways to deal with things back home which can be extremely different from the way we deal things here in the West. You might want some privacy but back home, it’s natural to have family or extended members or people you’ve never heard of coming in & out of your house, it’s normal. If you have no prior knowledge of things like that then patience is a must.

-          Sisters: if you marry someone ‘back home’ then be careful because some of them just want that passport/visa/green card, I won’t generalise but you’ve probably heard of those cases where once the guy comes here, he divorces the sister without any reason so be careful.

-          In terms of religion, yeah there are some very dodgy beliefs out there. Many people ‘back home’ are very confused in their Aqeedah, believing in all sorts of tales & stories so make sure you speak to the potential partner regarding all these. Some people may have memorised the Qur’an yet commit shirk so easily (sometimes without realising).

Sometimes, people decide to marry someone from 'back home' as a chance to catch the 'last carriage of the train' but I don't think that's correct. Regardless, Allaah [swt] knows where everyone's destiny lies so for everyone who had never thought about this posibility, then why not give it a chance?

Subhanaka Allaahouma astaghfirullaah wa atubu ilayk

ps: For those who keep asking why I have this blog: I like analysing these topics but purely from a theoretical viewpoint so as to get the best deal when the time is right ^_^ (this is an answer for all those who think I have something on the corner.. you know who you are :p).

The Wedding Party (Walimah)

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalam 'Aleykum,

Let's imagine Sister X finally found the right Brother Y, the two families are happy, the mahr has been reasonably fixed (keyword: 'reasonably'), the day carefully chosen, the people informed and invitations sent out .. in other words, all is ready & set for the B.I.G Day.          ^.^

No doubt, the wedding day is most probably one of the most nerve-wracking experiences a woman or a man will ever go through, just thinking about it gives me goosebumps. But, as everything else in this religion of ours, this matter has also regulations & limits, there are ways to turn this day into the most beautiful day of your life or to turn it into a day where the shayateen are dancing & eating at your wedding.
This post will be essentially addressing the issues sisters commonly face, as for brothers usually their side is quite easy to handle; I mean they just eat, greet the groom, listen to a short khutbah, a quick du'a, nikkah pronounced and deal is done right? But the bride .. has to go through a whole bunch of steps before joining the compagny of her new husband..

              Things to DO at your Walimah:

1) BE in CHARGE or appoint a trustworthy person to be in CHARGE
Many religious sisters genuiely want to have a simple, quiet and sunnatic wedding party but sadly her family is not really hearing it from her. The bride rarely has a (big) choice during the actual walimah to have a say in what's being played or what's being said. She should just sit there & smile as widely as possible and let the people in charge do the things.. but who exactly is in charge? Is it the aunty who brought that singer for the night? Or is it that cousin who's video-recording everything?    ''/
Months or weeks prior to the Walimah, the sister should put things clear to the table with her closest family & tell them what SHE really wants. Someone has to be in charge during that evening, so make sure you choose someone you know can push back those ladies who might be complaining about the religiosity of the walimah. Someone who is on the same level as you with regards to the religion (who agrees with your ideas). Don't let other people (even though they're family) ruin your night by doing things you don't agree with. Be firm and place your trust in Allaah.

2) An Islamic Reminder/Lecture
Yes! This is so important & yet so neglected. It feels weird to go to a wedding where no mention of Allaah has been made, it's just wrong for people to gather at a place & leave without mentioning Allaah and sending salaam upon the Prophet 'aleihi salaam. In an authentic hadith, the Prophet 'aleihi salaam actually compared such people as people who have been sitting around a dead donkey. (check full narrations at the end of the post). So, definetely make some time for an islamic reminder(s).. give it a good half-an-hour or even an hour, why not? The only issue is that usually when the speaker starts with the khutbahtu-l hajja 'Inna-l hamdu lilaahi nahmaduhu wa...' the women start talking, looking, moving around & it gets very chattery. Make sure the person who will be delivering the lecture is someone who can make people sit back & shut their mouths for that time. Also, the person you will be appointing in charge will also have the responsability to maintain the calm and quietness during the reminder.

Today, I was listening to a program called 'Kursi-l Ulamah' and the speaker asked a question to the audience saying: 'Who knows where the Prophet 'aleihi salaam was when he told the sahaba regarding the lenghy hadith on the Intercession on Yawmu-l Qiyamah?' The audience gave different answers, I thought to myself: 'probably at a graveyard, after a burial' but I was wrong.
The Prophet 'aleihi salaam mentioned this to his companions during a  ...... Walimah!
SubhanAllaah, even during a joyous event such as this, he would remind his dear companions about the real Life, the real test, the real Akhira that's about to come.

3) Give Sadaqa!
Surely, I think we all want to have successful marriages with lots of pious children, great spouses ect..
So why do we not consider giving (more) than we used to for this occassion? I know sometimes after all the expenses the families go through, between: the hall, the dresses, the food, the new house, this and that.. it seems like everyone forgot about giving some sadaqah out?! Check this hadith out, reported by Abu Huraira from the Prophet 'aleihi salaam who said: 'The worst food is that of a wedding banquet to which only the rich are invited while the poor are not invited.' (Bukhari)
If you happen to live in the West, we don't really see poor people so I suggest you send some amount of money back home or anywhere Muslims are struggling with food as sadaqah on the occassion of your wedding, so that by the Permission of Allaah you will not be amongst those who forget the poor.

4) No men strolling in
This is extremely annoying. There's always that one or two weirdoes that turn up to a female-only walimah gathering (what an irony!) especially if it's in a hall. One way of getting rid of them could be to have some people placed at the entrance kicking them out or an uncle who can take them elsewhere! Sometimes, the owners of the hall (men) want to remain inside to supervise the event -__-  Other times, surprise surprise .. the waiters are male! It's very rare to have a 100% male free walimah unless you do it at a house because otherwise you really need to be very organised. You seriously don't want to take the risk that a man sees you uncovered before your own husband </3 especially when you were a hidden pearl all your life. The amount of time I have attended weddings where the bride is a religious sister yet on the night, there's a weirdo that comes in & she is on the platform for everyone to admire :s outch!
Once a sister was like: 'Please someone hide me!' 
It's sad and heartbreaking. So, organisation is of crucial importance.

5) No music
Yes, this is obvious but I thought it needs to be reminded again & again. Marriage is a way to get closer to Allaah [swt], it's worship, it's sunnah, it's good.. so why corrupt it from the very first night with music? As I mentioned above, in many cases, music is played against the sister's will and she is almost induced into it :( but she must take responsabilies and plan ahead. Also, sisters if you're invited to a wedding and music is being played.. give your salams/duas to the bride and hit home asap. What if you die in that place? Plus, a believer will never bear to stand to stay in that place..
Now, yeah the whole debate with nasheed also comes in here right? Some sisters have found nasheeds as an alternative to keep a festive & jolly atmosphere that evening .. InshAllaah this topic in itself is very lenghty & deserves a post by itself. Plus, I am myself, questionning this practice at the moment so once I have taken a position 'ala baseera (with knowledge + evidences) I will share my views with you all.

6) No Pictures
Arghhh! This is the WORST part of the walimah, when everyone takes their smartphones with the latest flash integrated and 'flash flash flash' at the Bride & bridesmaids. (by the way, quick advice: never ever be a bridesmaid! Unless you want to be exposed to half the world) Once again, what can the poor bride do on the night do stop this? Not much :( This is one of the most important things to be discussing when planning the walimah. I suggest if you are going to be sending invitations (which I think is very cute) to include in BIG BOLD Letters that absolutly no flash photography will be tolerated (write in your mother tongue language too). I'm sure few will still be tempted to take pictures and here the people you will have appointed will be your saviours that night and stop them from doing so. There might be one or two stubborn aunties who will say: 'What do you mean? I've known this girl since she was born, she's like my daughter, I have to have her picture. Don't you think she looks superb? Move away'  -__-
It can be intimidating but who cares! Your preservation is more important!!! Do not let other people walk over you or you will be bitterly regretting it otherwise.

7) Early walimah means you get to see your prince charming early
I don't understand why the women's gatherings are so late at night, almost when the last third of the night is there & Allaah [swt] descends at the lowest sky and asks: 'Who is there who is asking of Me that I may give him?..' you know that beautiful hadith right? What an irony isn't it?
I mean, women leaving their homes, late at night, wearing make-up, perfums, all sorts of beautiful things and going out to a hall... surely there is a better way than this? This is a bad habit we've developped and it needs to be rectified. If you don't usually leave your house late at night then why would you do it for your wedding? Easier said than done. But I believe it would take a few sisters to introduce earlier weddings for others to follow in this goodness. So, imagine the bride comes in at 10.30-11pm (after a long day) she's tired/nervous/hot/irritated, by the time it's over she's just even more nervous & exhausted and the poor dude has been waiting outside for so long, stressed out, panicking so much so that he's got no nails left!!!! (brothers, please do not bite off your nails, it's so ugly)

8) Wear appropriate clothing
Even though you're the bride, it doesn't mean you're not meant to dress modestly. Your 'awrah is still the same, it hasn't changed. And yes there's an 'awrah to keep even between muslima-2-muslima. Keep your dress beautiful, flowy, long and covering you modestly. Modest = beautiful. In terms of beautification, sisters the best beauty is the one of the heart (seriously) so do not approach those fake things, namely: fake nails, fake hair extensions, fake eyelashes, fake skin color (by using bleaching creams) because at the end of the day, all these will be coming OFF  & the real YOU will be there when Mr. Y will see you; so be natural and do not put yourself under the curse of the Prophet 'aleihi salam.

Ibn Mas`ud (May Allah be pleased with him) said: Allah has cursed those women who practise tattooing and those women who have themselves tattooed, and those women who get their hair removed from their eyebrows and faces (except the beard and the mustache), and those who make artificial spaces between their teeth for beauty, whereby they change Allah's creation. [Bukhari & Muslim]

That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure there are many more way of turning your Walimah into a great evening, filled with unforgettable moments with your loved ones. May Allaah [swt] guide us to strive for what pleases Him.

Subhanaka Allaahmouma astaghfirullaah wa atoubu ilayk.

PS: Here are the ahadith about the importance of having an islamic lecture/reminder @ your walimah:

Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "No people sit in a gathering in which Allah Almighty is not mentioned and in which their Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, is not blessed without it being a cause of great diminishment for them. If He likes, He will punish them, and if He likes, He will forgive them." [at-Tirmidhi]

Abu Hurayra stated that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "No people rise from a gathering in which they do not mention Allah Almighty without it being like rising from the carcass of a donkey and they regret it." [Abu Dawud]

*Bismillaahi rahmani Rahim, can everyone hear me??*

*grabs dusty mike, blows dust off*
 *tap,tap,tap*  -achoum!-

*Bismillaahi rahmani Rahim, can everyone hear me??*

 Okay:

Assalam 'Aleikum everyone,

I can't remember the last time I logged onto the blog so today I decided to check some of the comments left by our readers and mashAllaah you guys have definetly pushed me to make a GRAND return *hehehe* this will be fun!

I know I have said this before but this time I'll try to be as regular as possible with the posts ;) but you have to understand that there are days (or months) where this topic is the LAST thing you have on your mind (yes seriously I promise).

Here's a quick list of the topics I will be looking at in the next posts inshAllaah:

*drum roll*

1) The Wedding Party (or shall I say the night club party?)

2) Brothers don't have patience! (this one will be heavy, please take parecetamol beforehand. Shukran)

3) Sisters' dilemma: the husband or the friends

4) My friend's advise & reflection

5) How to take maximum advantage of your celibacy? (positive attitude)
6) What is romanticism in Islam?

= )


I would like to take this opportunity to remind you all that UmmMua'd & myself are *not* scholars nor professionals in the field of zawaj (although we may sound like some) but we use this platform to discuss this important topic with humor (it helps so much) and also with the Islamic etiquettes &  respect.

The opinions we hold are usually personal (lol) and we are not forcing anyone to agree with us, you can share your own views in the comment section so long as it's islamically correct.


May Allaah guide us to the actions that please Him the most and grant us sincerity in words & deeds.



Stay tuned & thanks for your Sabr.

How to say NO! to a brother

Bismillaah.

Sister, if you feel as if you do not wish to marry him, or get to know him at all - then you need to learn how to say NO! 


Now, without even knowing it I am currently raising my eyebrow. I myself am not as assertive as my fellow sisters who will kindly tell a brother to get lost. Before I get refuted, I'd like to emphasize that I am not encouraging sisters to say no to every single Tom, Dick and Ahmed who approaches them for marriage. No, not at all. I am teaching my lovely sisters (and myself) that actually this is how you tell a brother. 'NO! No akhi, may Allah bless you, I have prayed istikhara, done my research and received advice therefore I am not looking to be your wife. Thank you'. Maybe the capital NO with the ! on the end comes across as a little aggressive. Don't be aggressive sister, don't shout scream or tip toe.

1) Be assertive yet calm and collective. Please do not get over emotional when you reject a marriage proposal. Everyone (your family, his family, and him) will think something triggered it, like a horrible childhood experience or something.  Be calm yet assertive, you do not wan't to marry him so do not let any one try and manipulate or persuade you into it if you have made your final decision.

2) Explain why you are not interested. Pretty straight forward.

3) Don't lie. Please. Don't tell him the fabricated story about how you had made plans to marry a cousin living in Pakistan way before you had even met him and that once married, you and your cousin are planning to head to Thailand to become hotel labourers and live happily ever after. Besides it's haram to lie, so don't go there.

4) Show consideration. Don't just be rude or vague about it. Mention his good points and make duaa for him in private. Saying no - inevitably- deflates his ego. Last thing you want to do is deflate his whole self worth and self confidence. Believe me, some men are emotional like that.

5) Bring Islamic evidence. Make it clear that although you have refused him for marriage, you know that you are allowed to reject him i.e your decision is supported by evidences from Qur'aan and Sunnah, as it is permissible for a woman/man to reject someone for a number of reasons.

However I want to stress that denying a brother for ridiculous, superficial, tribalistic, nationalistic reasons is very dangerous and for you to deny a brother there must a really good reason behind for it.

So if the reason behind your choice is..er..reasonable, just say NO! (refer to above post for guidelines on how to say it)

Is Marriage Becoming A Fashion?

Assalam 'Aleikum people,

All praises are due to Allaah [swt] and may Allaah [swt] send His peace and salutations upon the Best of men, al-basheeru nadheer,

InshAllaah this is going to be a very informal post, I'm just going to share couple of thoughts that came to me this week-

1) Okay, this week I began a new 'course' by the permission of Allaah [swt] and I met new sisters from all over London and obviously I got to speak to few of them, all very lovely girls mashAllaah. Like all conversations, we asked each other's names, ages, professions and other related questions. I was responding to the questions with sympathy and there's one thing that became almost reccurent in all the conversations I've had with different sisters. The common interrogation that constantly came up to me was:

- 'Oh, so you graduated mashAllaah, you getting married?
Me: -'No, no *'  *weird face
-'Oh, but you engaged?'
Me: -'No, no*' *anxious face
-'Oh okay'

***
Can you imagine the awkwardness of this conversation? Well, obviously I was trying to cover up this awkwardness with giggling away.. noise had to be made, somehow-anyhow.

This is the first thing I wanted to talk about, there's this thing that is so commonly widespread within sisters in the UK and I believe it's a recently developed trend which consists in sisters thinking they 'must' go university, graduate, marry, have kids .. in that order. So, for my case, it's like almost everyone I know is currently awaiting some sort of 'call' announcing my big day or something. One of the sisters I had spoken to actually said to me: 'But, don't you want to get married?' now that did make me laugh!

Sisters, do not enchain yourself to marriage! That's so destructive! Some girls think that if they hit the digit 2.0 then they're on the firing line. No, by no means! Marriage, nowadays has become like peer pressure ..almost! It's fashionable, everyone is getting married and if you're not in the trend then you're left out and old.

Please, remember that marriage is not a joke. My teacher actually reminded us of a brilliant point which tends to get at the back of our heads for the most part. He said: 'Know that when you're getting married, you're not just getting married in the dunya but your husband will also -inshAllaah- be your husband and partner in Jannah.' SubhanAllaah- how many of us actually think about this when 'considering' someone?

We ask Allaah [swt] to guide us to the clear path.


2) As I mentionned above, it's fashion to get married and quite sadly, the side effect is that many many young people get into this without knowledge. Have we forgotten the title of the first chapter in Sahih Bukhari? In Sahih Muslim? Mentionned by Nawawi? They all said: 'Al 'ilm qabla al 'amal wa-l qawl' which translates into 'Knowledge before action and speech'. This is so crucial! Why don't people who are aiming to get married -in the near or far future- learn about this tremendous act of worship? It hurts me when I ask a bride-to-be: 'Hey sis, so have you read on the topic of zawaj?' and she responds: 'Erm, not really' or 'I have just read a few ahadiths' or something along those lines. :-(

Why do we have in almost every book of hadith a WHOLE chapter dedicated to the fiqh of Marriage and so many narrations on this topic if it weren't that important? Please, my advise for everyone out there: before you get married, make sure you read or study all the ahadiths on this topic and yes- about the rules of talaq too. Most sisters know very little about divorce yet who knows the ghayb? You may -may Allaah forbid- be confronted with this, so know your rights.

I have other rants to let out of my system but I shall keep them for later inshAllaah. :-)

May Allaah [swt] forgive me and you from our sins and give us sincerity in all our words and deeds.
Subhanaka Allaahuma, astaghfirullaah wa atubu ilayk.


UmmZ.

'Many sisters opinions of polygyny would change if their husbands were going about it the right way'

Assalaamu alaikum, InshaAllah you are all in the best of health and imaan.....I am Umm Mujahid the new addition to Roadtrip to Zawajland.

For my first blog post I wanted to write about the highly debated topic of "Polygamy"..

The actual word is Polygyny - which means for a man to have multiple wives which as we know is permissible for our brothers. 

But the issue is many of the brothers who are embarking on the road of Polygyny are doing so without even knowing the rights and responsibilities of all involved, this is why the rate of divorce is so high amongst us as Muslims because we aren't taking the steps necessary to gain knowledge before seeking a spouse.

Many of the brothers are unemployed and lacking in knowledge. They claim to want to be in a polygamous marriage because it is closer to the Sunnah but that is a LIE... I'm not saying all brothers are the same but a large majority are and thats simply a fact!!!

I think many sisters opinions of polygyny would change if their husbands were going about it the right way.......for example the basic rights of a wife is for a husband to provide her with food, clothing and place to live but instead these brothers want the goverment to pay the rent and provide for their wives.

The line i'm hearing the most is " I will find a sister who is established to be my 2nd/3rd/4th wife " which basically means she has to be working or on benefits and have her own house so he doesn't have to provide anything!

It has been clearly stated in the Qu'ran :

"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means..." [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

"...but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them [women]..." [al-Baqarah 2:228]

I don't want to go on for too long but i felt this issue had to be addressed, I wrote this blog based on experiences that many of my sisters have had to deal with.

As women we have to remember we do not own our husbands and if he wants to take a co wife we cant stop him but if he is in no position to provide or be just to more than one wife we should advise them because he will have to answer to Allah for any injustice.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever has two wives and favours one of them over the other, will come on the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides leaning." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1141), Abu Dawood (2133), al-Nasaa'i (3942) and Ibn Majaah (1969). Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa'l-Tarheeb (no. 1949)

Al-Teebi said in his commentary on the words "with one of his sides leaning", i.e., tilting. And it was said that this will be in such a way that all the people on the Day of Resurrection will see him, so this will increase his punishment.

As for the brothers reading my blog i hope it is an eyeopener for you to see how sisters feel about this topic and the reasons behind us not wanting our husband taking on a co - wife.

Words from the scholars: 'Marriage is not lust and the woman is not just pleasure and enjoyment'

The noble Sheikh, the Mufti of the committee of major scholars in Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Abdul Aziz ibn Abdullah Aali Shiekh declared that marriage is not just about lust and fulfilling the desires rather it is security and living together and stability.

And the noble Sheikh said: Some of the Muslims have an incorrect understanding about marriage, understanding it in a way other than its reality. Some of them have an understanding that marriage is simply about fulfilling their desires, so although they might implement the legislated marriage contract, their intention with this marriage is not stability nor commitment rather he marries and in himself he is planning to divorce her, meaning he knows in himself that he will marry her for a specific time period even if he does not mention this or disclose this.

So he marries her due to his desire for her not to have serenity and peace of mind with her, but he only counts her as just a simple pleasure; so he s always on the verge of divorcing her and bringing in someone other than her. So he is a husband and at the same time he mixes this with the intention of divorce. And he does not want from the woman anything other than pleasure.

This is deception to the woman and dishonesty and misleading her; and if a man came to his daughter or his sister and he knew that he did not want her except for this purpose he would not allow him to marry her, but when it comes to other people s daughters he does whatever he wants.

And all of this is from deception and dishonesty and fraud and betrayal. And for this reason Islam has prohibited temporary marriage; and this is to marry for an estimated number of days for an agreed upon specific duration. Therefore this was made impermissible due to the harms that it contains.

And the Sheikh said: So what the person does not like for his daughters then he should not like it for the daughters of the Muslims.

And the Sheikh said: And some of the people might travel to places in order to find marriage for a specific number of days or months and he thinks this is a marriage contract and all of this is trivial to him, so he falls into sin.

And there are some who marry a number of women before (the other women he divorced) finish their waiting period. So he will merge the marriage to more than ten women in one month without any concern for the Islamic legislated contract.

And the Mufti said: The Muslim must have good judgment and he should not let his goal be to fulfill his desire in a way that is not in accordance with the Islamic legislation. And he must adorn himself with the manners of Islam, and he must look at other people s daughters just like he looks at his own daughters and his own sisters, and he should put people in the position that he likes to be in.

Therefore if the person believes it allowable to do evil to the daughters of others and to not comply with the Islamic standard and then he does not want this same evil for his daughters; then why this discrepancy? Where is the balance, where is the justice?

Unfortunately, there are some Muslims who make permissible that which Allah has made impermissible so in a matter of days they marry a number of women, all with the intention of divorce, seeking by this to gain some benefit (from the wife) in the summer or the winter or other than this, and Islam prohibits this. Therefore Islam wants for us to be well-balanced in our contracts and to put others in the position of our daughters and our sisters and to be truthful in our dealings.

And the Sheikh said: & and some of them go and travel and get married against the normal system and then they fall into sin or serious situations and perhaps they might abandon their wives or leave them and not return to them after they have become pregnant or given birth to his child, so this exposes the Muslim descendants to danger. And some of them don t care about their wives or their children so major problems occur as a result of this treacherous marriage.

http://www.sahab.net/forums/showthread.php?t=354427

I don't wan't to eat your disgusting food! Talaq!

I don't wan't to eat your disgusting food! Divorce me!


You have no ilm, you are so jahil. Please just divorce me!


You've gained weight Halima. Hit the gym or expect me to say the T word. 


If you don't come back from work at 5:59pm on the dot, I will divorce you. 


Eww, you're getting a reseeding hairline. Purchase some hair growth cream or I'm leaving you. 


Bismillaah,

Asalamu alaykum.

In recent decades the Ummah of Muhammad (saw) has seen a rapid increase in divorce. At (most times, I hope) for serious reasons but at other times it can be as silly as the incidents mentioned above. First of all, although I've never been married, I understand that not every marriage is written to work out. I also acknowledge that a couple may have differences which may lead them to separate. Alhamdulilah, Al Aziz knows His creation and He has not made divorce unlawful for us. However Allah ta'ala does not like divorce as stated in the Holy Qur'an: "The most hateful halal (permissible thing) to Allah is divorce" (Surah 2:102)


None of us plan to get divorced but some of us do. And only Allah knows if you or I will end up a divorcee. Our most powerful weapon is duaa. Thefore ask Allah to bless you with a spouse with taqwa and trust in Allah, and ask Allah for the same for you. Too many times we expect the spouse to be the one that should be better or more upright, which is incorrect. You need to look at yourself before looking to a potential spouse. Why should somebody marry you if you are not trying your best to obey Allah and be a good person?

This is advice for myself before anybody else. Just because you may be ready for marriage financially or physically, it does not mean that you will end up in a successful marriage. Be content with what Allah has given you and do not enter a marriage hoping that all your problems, insecurities and worries will disappear. Yes, getting a spouse will have a great benefit and blessing for you and Allah will reward you for following the Sunnaah of Rasoolullaah (saw) and of course Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear. But we are humans and we have flaws and we make mistakes which may led us to get divorced. We are not created like the Angels who listen and obey to constantly. So please do not imagine marriage to be look like the castle from Disneyworld. There will be ups and downs, disappointments as well as surprises, joys and moments which you will never forget. May Allah make us better people who fear Him and obey Him and may He attribute to us the characteristics of those who will enter Jannah. Ameen.

Will you marry me? And my mother, father, sister, uncle and aunt?

Bismillahi rahmani raheem,

Imagine if somebody asked you that, "Asalamu alaikum, would you be interested in marrying my entire family? I mean they're good people and all, who wouldn't wan't to marry them? So yeah, let me know if you're interested!" - I am pretty sure the majority of us would be left horrified after such an encounter. Perhaps some of us would even be flicking through Bukhari or Muslim trying to find a hadeeth which you could use to refute the marriage proposal. Or maybe, you'd say yes to marrying this persons entire family (because you're clever!)

Many of us become fixated on marrying just an individual. Yes, fine, you are going to have one spouse. It's going to be you and them living together, planning out your lives together and starting a family together insha Allah. There are only two people in a marriage (in most cases), right?

Well no. There isn't. When you're looking to marry somebody, you have to remember that this person did not land on Earth from Planet Beautiful. This person is a daughter or a son, a niece or a nephew, a granddaughter or a grandson. They belong to a family, and when you marry them, you marry the family. Now, don't plan on purchasing a massive bed for the extended family to sleep with you in - that would be disturbing and unislamic. But what I'm trying to get at here is, a lot of people before they get married, particularly the men, they tend to forget that the sister would like you to interact with her family. Go out with her father, do some food shopping with her mother, play on the play-station with her brother, paint her little sisters nails (OK, going too far) You get where I'm going though, right? Don't expect your wife-to-be to constantly entertain your parents, if you're not doing the same for her. I'm not encouraging rebellion in any way, what I'm saying is her family becomes your family and his family becomes yours. All one, no favoritism, no discrimination.

I am not suggesting that everybody should live with their in-laws and visit them 24/7. I know my parents want me out of the house as soon as I get married, so visiting them every single day would probably annoy them. However, I'm advising us Muslims to uphold the ties of kinship. Don't break away from your parents just because you get married. Come on, your mama been there for you since day!

5 Signs He's Just Not That Into Marrying You

Bismillaahi Rahmani Raheem,

We know we went missing for a while and for all those who were worried about us, we are alive and well alhamdulilah. We know it's Valentines today and that is not why we're posting, it was just a coincidence really.

Anyyywaaaay, so there's a brother who says he would like to get married to you. You're getting mixed messages from him even though he claims to be serious about it. Well here are a few things you should watch out for:

1) He has no plans to visit your father/wali, just yet 

If the brother has approached you & you sent him back, asking for him to contact your wali and his response has been quasi non-existant then, he's probably not that into you to have the guts and man-up to meet your father. The most common excuse is that: 'he needs time to get his head round visiting your wali.' Okay we understand visiting your father will probably be the most nerve wracking experience of his life (fathers can be scary), yes, but to avoid meeting your wali is in NO WAY acceptable.
How does he expect you to get married? After months or even years in a haram relationship?
Tell this brother to get outta here. He's not serious and definitely not ready for marriage.

2) He's not working nor planning to get any sort of income to support his wife-to-be

If the brother doesn't work nor is his father some rich millionaire nor is he willing to find a job, then I'm afraid it's not looking good at all! It's one thing struggling to find a job but quite another *if* he's not planning to start working. It suggests that he is not concerned about providing for his wife to be.
Allaah (swt) clearly says 'Men are the maintainers of women' in Surah Baqarah. So, if he isn't fulfilling this role, let him not put himself in the shoes of a man. A guy who 'really' cares will try his best, at any cost.

Note: seriously brothers, if you're not fit to marry then do not start something upon nothing. It's her right to be provided for.

3) He's coming empty handed at every meeting

If he does come over to your house for more than 5 times and he hasn't bothered bringing a little gift (to show that he cares) for either you, your mother or your siblings, something's not quite right there. Whatever happened to the old school habits of bringing a girl flowers or chocolates? Women like that old school stuff. In actual fact, guess what?! This brother expects you to give him a gift for the time he spent with you: 'So, sister, where's my attar?' There's something really odd there.. A man who truly cares about a potential wife-to-be, will do everything & anything he can to show that he really cares. Even if that includes putting the hand in that small pocket of his.

Attention: we are not at all promoting gold digging or materialism. Not at all.

4) He's got lost on the way

If the brother comes in, lowering his gaze, sits, looks at you and then whispers some words which sound like :A'thubilaah, astarfirullah' and then doesn't lift his head up. Or, if he is looking at the wall behind you or admiring the carpet instead of listening to you then I think the brother maybe hasn't got the right house.
Or, if he likes you but you're thinking: 'eerr, why have you got a blue sock and a grey one? No, no wait, why are there 5 holes in each sock?'
Or perhaps you're trying to figure out what color his khamees is: is it white? or some greyish/browinsh.. what the heck?' Right, I suggest both go their different ways, first impressions are always important!

5) He's always boasting about how many sisters want to marry him

If the brother starts the conversation by telling you how sisters always try to marry him (note: sisters run after this brother; miskeen), and he tells you how just on his way to your house, two sisters asked his number and he was like: 'Sorry sis, but I'm meeting another sister right now but if you want to book an appointment for 5 o'clock I can do that. Ask your wali innit.' This brother has a very busy schedule, maybe a bit too busy for you . Furthermore, it's a *major* mistake to mention any other female name in the first meetings, gentlemen: please write that down if you want a second meeting.

BONUS:- If in addition to ALL this, he mentions his urgent desire to marry another wife right after you (bearing in mind all of these situations), then Ladies I have one word of advice: this is the 'good talker' type of man. Once you detect the symptoms, you should run away far from him. We mean it, run fast. Even if it means pulling up your abaya and taking off your shoes to run fast.