Marrying someone back home

Assalam 'Aleikum everyone,

Recently, two friends of mine married someone from 'back home' & I thought I would discuss the advantages & (potential) disadvantages of such a marriage.

Marrying someone ‘back home’ is starting to sound more appealing especially when I look at the state of brothers in the UK (see next post inshallaah) and here’s a quick list of the positive + negative points I came up with, feel free to add on in the comment section.

Positive Points:

-          Usually people ‘back home’ when they are religious are deeply religious, that’s something I noticed. They usually memorise the Qur’an at a young age & with tajweed, they usually have a good grasp of Arabic (depending where the country is), they have a good level of worship, in short, they tend to be serious with the deen. They are not stuck in the ridiculous debates we have been stuck in for the past 10yrs; they tend to be far-sighted & more humble. (Notice how I've used the word ‘usually’ 3 times in a row? I stress on the fact that not everyone is necessary like that.)

-          For brothers, well, the sisters ‘back home’ tend to be amazing chefs so I guess that’s a relief for most of you. They also tend to be good house-keepers, usually very shy women as well (something that sisters in the West are losing sadly). They’re also mature & you’d see a sister as young as 16 able to do so many things and be ready to be a mother. They don't moan too much and usually easily contented.

-          If you want to leave the West & its mad lifestyle and always wished to return to your homeland, the idea of marrying ‘back home’ might sound very attractive. Life ‘back home’ is sweet, stress-free and you genuinely feel at home and at peace.

-          People ‘back home’ obviously have good knowledge of the culture of the country so if you’ve always wanted your future children to know about your culture, then this might be a good solution. (A lot of people nowadays think that culture = bid'ah but I don't agree with this equation. Yes, in some cases the culture is in blatent opposition with Islam however, in other cases the culture & the deen go hand-in-hand.)

-          For sisters, I think most men from ‘back home’ are ‘real’ men who have gheerah (good jealousy) for their women, who protect them and take care of them. Many men in the West have real issues & don’t care about the women of their families let alone their wives. I have heard of many cases where the woman provides for the husband & is the one who pays the rent & brings the bread to the table (you may think: 'maybe the husband is ill or disabled? No, the husband is physically fit) -_- this would be an unimaginable scenario back home.

-          Mostly, the religious young people ‘back home’ have been preserved from the fitan of shamelessness/nakedness/free mixing/nightclubs or the rest of it & tend to be traditional in the way they behave, dress, act.. That’s a very strong advantage especially when you compare to the confused state of many young people in the West who are struck between their parents & their ‘high-school/university’ mates.

Negative Points:

-          Language Barrier: if you can’t speak your mother tongue fluently & the person ‘back home’ isn’t that fluent in English then misunderstandings will be very frequent. I mean, imagine you tell them a joke & they get angry at you because they misunderstood the joke or they ask you something & you have no idea what they’re asking. Communication is THE key for a successful marriage and language is THE way to communicate so make sure the two of you can easily understand one another before ‘tying the knot’.

-          Cultural Clash: yeah this is another big potential risk to bear in mind. They have traditions & ways to deal with things back home which can be extremely different from the way we deal things here in the West. You might want some privacy but back home, it’s natural to have family or extended members or people you’ve never heard of coming in & out of your house, it’s normal. If you have no prior knowledge of things like that then patience is a must.

-          Sisters: if you marry someone ‘back home’ then be careful because some of them just want that passport/visa/green card, I won’t generalise but you’ve probably heard of those cases where once the guy comes here, he divorces the sister without any reason so be careful.

-          In terms of religion, yeah there are some very dodgy beliefs out there. Many people ‘back home’ are very confused in their Aqeedah, believing in all sorts of tales & stories so make sure you speak to the potential partner regarding all these. Some people may have memorised the Qur’an yet commit shirk so easily (sometimes without realising).

Sometimes, people decide to marry someone from 'back home' as a chance to catch the 'last carriage of the train' but I don't think that's correct. Regardless, Allaah [swt] knows where everyone's destiny lies so for everyone who had never thought about this posibility, then why not give it a chance?

Subhanaka Allaahouma astaghfirullaah wa atubu ilayk

ps: For those who keep asking why I have this blog: I like analysing these topics but purely from a theoretical viewpoint so as to get the best deal when the time is right ^_^ (this is an answer for all those who think I have something on the corner.. you know who you are :p).