Sister, have you ever felt like you want to ask your potential husband a question but feel as if he is going to be 'put off' if you do ask?
Brother, has a sister interested in marrying you ever offended you by asking the dreaded question?
"WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?"
Okay, so it might not be the most dreaded scariest question ever (especially if his job isn't an issue) but for some brothers and sisters it can be an uncomfortable question to raise.
I, for instance (like many other sisters) feel that if you do ask the above question, you might perhaps be labelled by your potential husband as a gold digger, or an individual who is more concerned about his wealth, status and job. Some sisters however feel that they have the right to ask and are most definitely not afraid to do so. Whereas there may be some shyer sisters, who imagine, that in his mind he is thinking:
"Oh so Umm Mus'ab, is my job more important that my eman?"
"Sister, you are judging me on my secular education, rather than my Islamic knowledge"
" You sisters these days, are so superficial. May Allah guide you all. Why does it matter if I work in a factory or work for a multimillionaire business?"
"Is this question really necessary? Instead of scrutinizing my taqwa (piety), you scrutinize my job title. Allahu akbar!"
It may be an uncomfortable question for some sisters to ask and for some brothers to answer, especially since the young alhamdulilah are deciding to adhere to the Sunnah and marry young. A young brother may not have got a great job with wonderful pay or he may not even have a job at all and just be in education, so did her question offend you brother?
Brother, make your money and then come to me!
Us sisters love the hadeeth about 'Abdur-Rahman bin 'Auf and Sad bin Ar-Rabi' Al Ansari.When Abdur Rahman migrated Madinah with nothing a man of Ansar (Sad bin Ar-Rabi') offered to look after him, for the sake of Allah. Sad said that he would split half of his wealth with Abdur Rahman and would divorce one of his wives for him. The people of Ansar had shown great love to the Migrants from Makkah, after the Prophet had explained to them about brotherhood. Abdur Rahman kindly refused the offer and decided that he would make his own money and then get married.
- 'Abdur-Rahman replied, "May Allah bless you with your wives and property. Kindly show me the market." So 'Abdur-Rahman went to the market and gained (in bargains) some dried yoghurt and some butter. After a few days the Prophet saw Abdur-Rahman with some yellow stains on his clothes and asked him, "What is that, O 'Abdur-Rahman?" He replied, "I had married an Ansari woman." The Prophet asked, "How much Mahr did you give her?" He replied, "The weight of one (date) stone of gold." The Prophet said, "Offer a banquet, even with one sheep." (Bukhari) 1
- 'Abdur-Rahman replied, "May Allah bless you with your wives and property. Kindly show me the market." So 'Abdur-Rahman went to the market and gained (in bargains) some dried yoghurt and some butter. After a few days the Prophet saw Abdur-Rahman with some yellow stains on his clothes and asked him, "What is that, O 'Abdur-Rahman?" He replied, "I had married an Ansari woman." The Prophet asked, "How much Mahr did you give her?" He replied, "The weight of one (date) stone of gold." The Prophet said, "Offer a banquet, even with one sheep." (Bukhari) 1
But sister, remember hadeeth of the man who had nothing and married a woman, the mahr was only to teach her the Qur'an?
This is a famous hadeeth and I know brothers must love quoting it when sisters try to go crazy about the dowry. This hadeeth is about a man who had nothing to give a woman that he wished to marry and after searching for things to give her Rasoolullah (SAW) said that the man should teach her the Qur'an
- So that man sat down for a long while and then got up (to depart). When Allah's Apostle saw him going, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet said, "How much of the Quran do you know?" He said, "I know such Sura and such Sura," counting them. The Prophet said, "Do you know them by heart?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet said, "Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Quran which you have." (Bukhari) 2
- So that man sat down for a long while and then got up (to depart). When Allah's Apostle saw him going, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet said, "How much of the Quran do you know?" He said, "I know such Sura and such Sura," counting them. The Prophet said, "Do you know them by heart?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet said, "Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Quran which you have." (Bukhari) 2
Your potential husbands job may be an issue and you have every right to ask since he will be the provider of the household, but it becomes a problem when it is your biggest concern. When you put his job or career before anything else. And it becomes a disaster if you reject him because of this. We don't want the conversation between two potential partners to look like this:
Sister: Masha Allah, how much Qur'an have you memorized?
Brother: Alhamdulilah I have memorized from Juz Ama to Surah Ra'd
Sister: Masha Allah, so what do you do for a living?
Brother: I am a primary school teacher. I teach Arabic.
Sister: Really? Cool. So what's the pay like?
Brother: Alhamdulilah it's not bad...
Sister: So, can you afford to go on holidays?
Brother: Erm well, I am saving for a trip to Umrah in sha Allah
Sister: Okay, so you don't go on holidays regularly?
Brother: You know some times, it's quite expensive to go.
Sister: Hmm true. So were do you do your food shopping?
Brother: (laughs) Ermm at Walmart. Why does that matter?
Sister: You shop at Walmart?! Okay, sorry. I am not ready for marriage.
Loved this one! :)
ReplyDeleteJazakiallaah kheiran sister. May Allaah bless you.
ReplyDelete