Culture vs Deen

Assalam 'aleikum waRahmatulaah waBarakatuh,

Wow- it has really been a long time since I last posted and wrote on here. My apologies everybody, I know we should try to keep posting regularly and we'll try our best to keep up with the rhythm, particularly myself.

I know many of you guys have suggested possible topics we could write about, and tonight I've chosen to talk about a sensitive issue which everybody to an extent is affected by in their lives. The issue of Culture vs Deen. We find 'culture' creeping into our lives but weirdly enough, even more so when it comes to Zawaj. So, what are we to do?

Now, I'm not saying all cultures are wrong and that it's all against our Deen but we cannot deny that in most cases, a part of it is in opposition to our Deen which makes it hard for young people desiring to make Zawaj among other things all halal to proceed with. Okay, let me give you some examples:

1) Sometimes because of culture, the girl's voice and choice are not considered at all in the most extreme cases. Almost as though, she's not the one getting married but her father, uncle or brother is. The dowry is not handed over to her, nor is she given the choice of what she wants as her mahr. This is a clear violation of the Deen and this type of culture should be not be tolerated. Let's see what Our Lord Allaah [swt] says regarding this:

“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr with a good heart.”
[al-Nisa’ 4:4] 

When we are confronted with something like this where the culture is in blatent conflict with the Deen, there's no negotiations which should be entered and once you know the Truth it is Your duty as a Muslim, to speak against it, to stand up and denounce it. Use hikmah, use patience and use all tools necessary to make yourself heard and perform Jihad [struggle]. By the way, from among the difference types of Jihad, one of its highest branches is to speak a word of truth in front of a tyrant ruler. Imagine yourself in that scenario and try your best.

2) Sometimes because of culture, parents seem to be the thoughest barrier to overcome. In most cases, they got married back home at a time where the Deen wasn't the most important thing in the different societies they lived in. They met in various circumstances, met up, joked and studied together before making the choice to marry. So, for them that's their criterion and if you, as their child turn up and say: 'Erm, I don't want to do that' well, be ready to have your reasons backed up with dalils and ayaats because trust me, you'll be questioned!

3) Sometimes because of culture, marriage and wedding ceremonies are just too much hassle for young people. The expenses are way too high and some may even start to think that it's not such a good idea to get married because you'll be so much in debt. It seems as though most of culture is negative and contradicts most of what our beautiful Deen stands for. Look at what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ Subhanallaah, can you get clearer than this?

These are just a few examples that came up to me, however I'm sure there's more and we'd like to hear from you inshallaah.

'Deen vs Culture': a dilemma, a challenge faced by us as young Muslims living in the West. I've realised that this conflict is most apparant when it comes to freemixing and marriage. In those two cases, it's a heachache trying to tell Mom or Dad that: 'No, that uncle is not my mehram so I can't even shake his hand' or that ' No, she's my cousin, I can't drop her off on my own'.

Therefore it's our duty to educate ourselves and then to pass on that knowledge to our parents & families in the best of manners. Now, culture can also be good and it is not always to be rejected as long as it doesn't override our Islamic principles. Nikkah for example, is one of the many aspects of the Arab culture which has been embraced in Islam and is a Sunnan of our beloved Prophet sallaah Allaahu 'aleihi wa salaam. Learn your culture but also learn your Deen and know what comes first and where does one stop and the other begin.

And Allaah [swt] knows best.
Umm.Zaid