بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Alhamdulilaah- All Praises and Thanks are due to Allaah [swt]

Who is getting married? Is it our parents or is it us?
For some of us, it seems that when it comes to the issue of marriage, it's not only us that are getting on the zawaj plane but it's also our parents. Our parents decide when we should get married, to whom we should get married, how we should get married ect.. The list is rather long. And, if the 'child' happens to be a *shy* *reserved* and of a *weird* character then zawaj ain't gonna happen anytime soon.
 In most cultures, when it comes to zawaj, it is never one person marrying another, usually it's a whole family marrying another-  two whole separate world coming into one. So, our parents will without a shadow of a doubt play a *major* part in this whole trip to Zawajland. That's why I think it's important for us to maintain a very good relationship with our parents since the key is in their hands [especially for sisters]- you don't want your father to throw the key in the well.

There are four types of parents-

 1) The Strictly Religious Parents
If you happen to be from such a family then rejoice- you have hope in that they will be understanding once *you* make the choice that *you*'re ready to get on the plane. They will -hopefully- support you, advise you and make it easy for you to fulfill your deen. With this type of parents, communication is fairely easy as you can discuss based on daleels and have interesting discussions. Beware however, of discussing points of ikhtilaaf or enter the doors of ijtihaad lest you would create unneccessary problems onto yourself!

2) The Pushy Parents
This is the type of parents who is pushing you to marry even if you don't really want to. They arrange meetings with the worst possible people on this planet i.e- your cousins! They're not really bothered about education, they just want to see their future grand-children. The best way to deal with such parents is to be really honest and tell 'em the truth: 'You're not marrying none of your cousins!', then put your trust in Allaah and make loads of duas. My sincere compassion goes to all those who come under this category- only the strong ones will survive!

3) The Strictly Educated Parents
This is the types of parents who have spend their lives studying, love study and anything related to education. Usually you will find that the uncle, the aunty and other relatives are also highly educated, and even the grand-father is into education, everywhere you look- education seems to be *THE* thing. Once again, my heart goes out to all those who come under this category because that means you'll probably also have to reach a *high* educational level since a simple degree isn't all that impressive any longer. Parents want minimum a Masters and grand-father expects a PhD from you- so chin up, the only thing you can do for now is to daydream about Zawaj. In most cases, it's difficult to argue with such parents since they bought you in this 'education-loving' spirit, so I suggest you don't dissapoint them and do what you got to do. May Allaah make it easy for ya.

4) The way-too-easy-going-Family
This is the type of parents who are easy-going, almost 'don't care' about anything regarding zawaj. They're not Muslims or are not practising. It is extremely hard to communicate with them about anything and especially about Zawaj- because you both have two distinct ideas about it. If they let you marry the person of your choice, you'll still have to battle through having a halal waleemah ya3ni:- no music, no free-mixing, no recording, no extra useless things, no singer, no to the hotel reception, no no and no. You will need a Lot of patience, a Lot of hikmah and a Lot of forbearance. May Allaah make it easy for ya too.

I'm sure there are more types of parents- feel free to tell us and also tell us which category you're from and how do you deal with it, maybe others can beneficiate!

Inshallaah, next time I shall be exploring the different type of sisters too- that's gonna be interesting.

May Allaah bless us all and give satisfaction to our hearts. May Allaah protect our parents regardless of which category they're from! They're our parents, the reason we strive, we wouldn't be anything without them, remember to keep your parents in your duas folk- they're very very precious. One of the Salaf said that it is from 'Biir' meaning from Goodness to the parents that you should AT least make ONE dua for them in ONE of our salaahs during the day. Ya Allaah, forgive our parents and have mercy upon them as they had mercy upon us when we were young. Ya Allaah, they've taken good care of us and still are.. ya Allaah icnrease their ranks in Jannaah. Mom, Dad, I love you !

Salaam!
UmmZaid-

Let’s just marry. Like, now?

So, you have heard that a local akhi is interested, and to tell the truth, you are too. You know that this person is a potential spouse. That you could happily marry them for their deen, their character and their (good) looks. They aren't exactly a God fearing Tom Cruise but alhamdulillah your standards are now, well realistic. Unlike before. Before you had secretly hoped that a mysterious man, perhaps the son of a scholar or even the Imam of Masjid al Haraam would propose to you and father would receive him with open arms. 

You are told that the brother wishes to meet with you and your family, however needs to know if you are willing to proceed. The ball is in your court, he eagerly awaiting your response. With joy you are screaming "Of course I want to marry you!", well, you aren't screaming in real life, this is just the voice in your head. Instead your lips are completely shut.You want to say yes but you feel that you can't. 

Why? 

You know that your parents are expecting a wealthy man. If he met this brother, you'd probably be told that his degree in Business studies means nothing. 

You are afraid that you aren't pious enough for him. That you may disappoint him with your cooking. You are thinking if you are actually emotionally ready for marriage. That you can't handle or remember all the rights and responsibilities. You anxious about leaving your parents home and starting a new life with this, well, stranger. Is he even the right brother? 

These are the types of things which worries which go through our heads as sisters. However it is time that we faced them in order to over come them. They are nothing but whispers from shaytan if this brother is truly fit enough for you to marry. Rasoolullah (SAW) encouraged us to marry young, yet too often we fall into the trap of imagining ourselves married when we are older, with careers and homes of our own.

May Allaah remove the anxieties from our hearts. 
Ameen. 

(Forgive me for the missing words or/and the spelling/grammar mistakes)


A very tired Umm Mus'ab.

Top Don'ts For Women

1. Don't send him a marriage proposal to his Facebook inbox because you think he is good looking.
2. Don't believe everything he tells you. Make sure you have reliable information about him and check the facts.
3. Don't cake yourself in make up to decieve him into thinking he's marrying a hoor al 'ayn who exits on Earth.
4. Don't let your father do all the talking. Conversate, it's your chance to get to know him.
5. Don't pretend to be really shy. Come on now, you need to talk or he will eventually find you boring.
6. Don't be covered in a massive huge black jilbab or niqab. He is allowed to see you in normal modest clothing.
7. Don't disagree with what his mother is saying to you (in the meeting)
8. Don't call his father by his name. Call him "uncle".

9. Don't talk excessively. You should remember to maintain your hayaa.
10. Don't invite your friends to your house on the day of the meeting. He will blatantly hear them giggling in the hallway.
11. Don't ramble on about the dowry. The dowry should be 10% of the convo.
12. Don't outclass his mother on the quality of the food. If you do, well, it will be difficult for you.
13. Don't have your phone or BB messenger switched on. It can be very tempting to text your friend how well the meeting is going - but he will see.
14. Don't forget to ask to pour the tea. Better yet, just go ahead and do it!
15. Don't walk late into the meeting. He will think that you spent the time trying to beautify yourself for him. When really, you were just nervous.
16. Don't call him akhi. He is your potential husband.
17. Don't laugh too much. He might see teeth and turn you down.
18. Don't giggle and act blonde, show him what you got in there (the brain).
19. Don't act humble by lowering your gaze, you should be looking at him. But, don't stare at him like you stare in the mirror.
20. Don't shake or fall over when you're bringing the tea and biscuits. Breathing in and out and small steps go a long way.

*BONUS*
21. Don't excessively kiss your teeths in front of the parents or they may think you're an ex-gang leader. In fact, refrain from all sorts of ganster-like speech.

http://zawajland.blogspot.com/

Top 20 Don'ts For Men

1. Don't approach her in the street to ask for marriage.
2. Don't hang out in front of the masjid to catch a glimpse of her.
3. Don't jump by the window, knock on the door
4. Don't use ahadeeth or ayaats on her once shes declined your proposal. It's her choice whether she marries you are not. She may not be attracted to you or like your character very much.
5. Don't turn up at the house without reliable info about her.
6.Don't tell her "Allah will provide" if you are unable to provide for her.
 7. Don't speak to her like a gangster (expections if you are an actual ex gangster)
8. Don't be inconsiderate of what she wants. Give her a chance to decide on whether she likes you or not. Men seem to ignore the needs of the woman while only focusing on their own.
9. Don't tell her you wish to marry her for her beauty. In fact, don't even compliment her.
 10. In fact, leave the house.
11. Don't act like a "hard nut" around her father. He is the lion of the house, you are the cub.
12.When meeting her father, don't give a khutbah, unless you are asked.
13. Don't finish all the biscuits, finish the tea.
14. Don't come to her house looking like you've survived a hurricane
15. Don't come unprepared for a wife, marriage and great responsibilty.
16. Don't use your heart to judge the overall situation
17. Don't rely too much on your looks, money or personality.
18. Don't jump to lead salah at her house so that her father hears your amazing recitation, unless you are asked.
19. Don't just talk about your goals and dreams for the future. Speak about your accomplishment at present.

20. Don't leave your beard at home. 

What is Zawaj?

Bismilaahi-Rahmani-Raheem,

Assalam 'Aleikum waRahmatulaah,

I'd like in my first post to share some thoughts about 'zawaj'; and while I'm at it let me clarify a little point: This blog isn't really about us in particular although we might feel the need to share some experiences, rather let this be a means of discussing this topic from all sides. Ready? Go!

Where to start? Let me tell u what I've observed..
For these last couple of years, I have realised that the Muslim community here in the UK has transformed itself almost like a metamorphosis. It is by the Grace of Allaah [swt] that many many young people and elder ones too have been coming back to the religion and have been showing their attachment towards it. As a direct result, young people have expressed their desire to get married and fulfill their natural requirements I guess. Yaaaay!! :-D

It's praiseworthy and it makes me happy to see young people wanting to complete their 'deen'. However, it seems as though sometimes, there's a little *hic*. Marriage doesn't come easy and for some it becomes almost an utopia. And between the religion, the culture, the family and the society.. to be honest you've enough to be put off for a while! Argh.. I'm out!

For a long time, I didn't really bother thinking too much about this whole zawajesque concept and I struggled to understand my friends when they'd talk about 'marriage'..
'Are you serious?!' I would say with a raised-eyebrow  o_o

 Especially because most girls tend to have this dreamy weirdish idea of marriage -Yes, even me- so, it made me cringe and I'd brush it off quickly. 'So, erm what's the weather like..'?

However lately, I've put deep thoughts into it and maybe I've come to realise what it really means to 'zawaj'. To 'zawaj' is not just to 'marry' I think as Muslims, we need to remember that Marriage is considered as 'ibaadah so automatically it changes your perspective right?
Who would refuse easy hassanats? Oh.. maybe not so easy actually.
 Marriage in Islam is more than just a marriage, inshallaah we'll discuss this later on.

Well actually, it's not a secret that one of my fav. verses in the Qur'aan is the following:
“And among his signs is this, that he created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and he has put love & mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Surah Rum, v21)
^This ayaah just summarises beautifully the purpose of Zawaj in itself..

Now, how we get to that stage? What are the steps to take? How do we deal with family pressure? Society expectations? What are we doing wrong these days and why is the divorce rate so high amongst Muslims? Inshallaah, we'll have a look at all these and more but until then.. Take care!

UmmZaid

Fasten your seatbelts, we're off!

Bismillah, Asalamu 'Alaikum ladies (and gentlemen) fasten your seatbelts and sit back, you are now aboard the awaited road trip to Zawajland. We will be departing in a few moments. Temperature in Zawajland is currently perfect however we may face some windy showers, some hail and snow on our way there. This trip isn't going to be easy but if you make the right choices on the trip, insha Allah you will have a wonderful zawaj in Zawajland. Speaking to you today is UmmMus'ab, who is currently on the mic, I will now pass you on to UmmZaid, who will give you further instructions. 

Assalam 'Aleikum to all,
As UmmMus'ab rightly said, this isn't going to be an easy trip and there may be a lot of unexpectated turns before we eventually reach Zawajland safely by the Permission of the Most High. This journey is one which carried millions of people before us and will without a doubt carry a great number after us. It is this lifetime journey that we will talk about and analyse from everyside. We will criticize, rant, propose solutions and discuss this tremendous route. So, jump on the plane and enjoy the view!