Did my question offend you brother?

Bismillah.
Sister, have you ever felt like you want to ask your potential husband a question but feel as if he is going to be 'put off' if you do ask?
Brother, has a sister interested in marrying you ever offended you by asking the dreaded question?

"WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?"

Okay, so it might not be the most dreaded scariest question ever (especially if his job isn't an issue) but for some brothers and sisters it can be an uncomfortable question to raise.

I, for instance (like many other sisters) feel that if you do ask the above question, you might perhaps be labelled by your potential husband as a gold digger, or an individual who is more concerned about his wealth, status and job. Some sisters however feel that they have the right to ask and are most definitely not afraid to do so. Whereas there may be some shyer sisters, who imagine, that in his mind he is thinking:

"Oh so Umm Mus'ab, is my job more important that my eman?"

"Sister, you are judging me on my secular education, rather than my Islamic knowledge"

" You sisters these days, are so superficial. May Allah guide you all. Why does it matter if I work in a factory or work for a multimillionaire business?"

"Is this question really necessary? Instead of scrutinizing my taqwa (piety), you scrutinize my job title. Allahu akbar!"

It may be an uncomfortable question for some sisters to ask and for some brothers to answer, especially since the young alhamdulilah are deciding to adhere to the Sunnah and marry young. A young brother may not have got a great job with wonderful pay or he may not even have a job at all and just be in education, so did her question offend you brother?

Brother, make your money and then come to me! 

Us sisters love the hadeeth about 'Abdur-Rahman bin 'Auf and Sad bin Ar-Rabi' Al Ansari.When Abdur Rahman migrated Madinah with nothing a man of Ansar (Sad bin Ar-Rabi') offered to look after him, for the sake of Allah. Sad said that he would split half of his wealth with Abdur Rahman and would divorce one of his wives for him. The people of Ansar had shown great love to the Migrants from Makkah, after the Prophet had explained to them about brotherhood. Abdur Rahman kindly refused the offer and decided that he would make his own money and then get married.


- 'Abdur-Rahman replied, "May Allah bless you with your wives and property. Kindly show me the market." So 'Abdur-Rahman went to the market and gained (in bargains) some dried yoghurt and some butter. After a few days the Prophet saw Abdur-Rahman with some yellow stains on his clothes and asked him, "What is that, O 'Abdur-Rahman?" He replied, "I had married an Ansari woman." The Prophet asked, "How much Mahr did you give her?" He replied, "The weight of one (date) stone of gold." The Prophet said, "Offer a banquet, even with one sheep." (Bukhari) 1

But sister, remember hadeeth of the man who had nothing and married a woman, the mahr was only to teach her the Qur'an? 

This is a famous hadeeth and I know brothers must love quoting it when sisters try to go crazy about the dowry. This hadeeth is about a man who had nothing to give a woman that he wished to marry and after searching for things to give her Rasoolullah (SAW) said that the man should teach her the Qur'an


- So that man sat down for a long while and then got up (to depart). When Allah's Apostle saw him going, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet said, "How much of the Quran do you know?" He said, "I know such Sura and such Sura," counting them. The Prophet said, "Do you know them by heart?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet said, "Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Quran which you have."  (Bukhari)  2

Your potential husbands job may be an issue and you have every right to ask since he will be the provider of the household, but it becomes a problem when it is your biggest concern. When you put his job or career before anything else. And it becomes a disaster if you reject him because of this. We don't want the conversation between two potential partners to look like this:

Sister: Masha Allah, how much Qur'an have you memorized?

Brother: Alhamdulilah I have memorized from Juz Ama to Surah Ra'd 

Sister: Masha Allah, so what do you do for a living?

Brother: I am a primary school teacher. I teach Arabic.

Sister: Really? Cool. So what's the pay like?

Brother: Alhamdulilah it's not bad... 

Sister: So, can you afford to go on holidays?

Brother: Erm well, I am saving for a trip to Umrah in sha Allah

Sister: Okay, so you don't go on holidays regularly?

Brother: You know some times, it's quite expensive to go.

Sister: Hmm true. So were do you do your food shopping?

Brother: (laughs) Ermm at Walmart. Why does that matter?

Sister: You shop at Walmart?! Okay, sorry. I am not ready for marriage.

Do not spread fitnah my dear sisters! Part 2 coming soon in sha Allah.
---------------
1  Sahih Al Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 10 
 2 Sahih Al Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 24 (for full hadeeth)

Why weep at your friend's wedding?

Bismillah, Asalamu alaikum. 

A few weeks ago, perhaps even a month now, a good friend of mine got married alhamdulilah. So leading up to the wedding, I was extremely excited for her and wished that the Nikkah would be over and done with ASAP! The nikkah day came, quicker than I had anticipated, then it was time for the women to come together for the walimah in the evening. Now, I will admit that I am not a keen wedding go-er. To be blunt, I dislike going to weddings. Not the actual occasion but the stress that a young woman has to go through before turning up at a wedding. I am not so sure about other cultures but in my culture the women are very glamorous looking at weddings, and of course to achieve this you have to plan step by step how you are going to acheive looking like an amazingly beautiful woman who looks nothing like you that night. Inevitably most women are eyeing each other up. This is what I dislike. The eyeing up part. It's all well and fun imagining what you are going to wear and how you will do your hair but with me when the day comes, I don't even want to get out of bed. So, my friend's wedding came. Too early for me. The night before I went on a rant about how stressful we make weddings, and the next day, I was grumpy. But of course I ended up at the wedding. Obviously. 

All the women and children stood up for the bride was about to enter the hall. The crowd were excited to see the bride and were pushing each other just to get a view (it was pretty packed, my friend is almost famous). I pushed through the crowds to get to the front and when I set my eyes on the bride, uncontrollably, tears began to run down my cheeks. It was so weird. My friend, my silly school friend, getting married. It was strange. Seeing her younger sister walking next to her made me even more emotional. 

In need of tissue I went to find another friend who looked at me with disgust. "Why are you crying?" she asked. "You were the same person who was ranting last night about how much you hate weddings and now you are crying." She was right. 

I sat down and asked myself why I was crying. Why did I cry at her getting married? Was it out of happiness or out of random emotion. 

Maybe it was a bit of both but what was stuck in my mind that night as we left for home was the question. It played on my mind. I re-pictured the bride enter the hall, my tears, and my friend looking at me like 'why?'. 

I knew before I went to sleep the main reason I weeped. That my friend getting married symbolized time flying by and waiting for nobody. That none of us would forever remain young, that one day (by the will of Allah) we would marry, bear children and eventually hit the grave. This isn't the life for everybody, Allah takes the souls of some before they even marry or have children. Only Allah knows the future. But one thing that we need to bear in mind is that time waits for no man, that we cannot always be children or rely on our parents. That one day, time will fly past you so quickly, you will be in your grave before you know it. I am not encouraging one to fear and dread death, but what I worry about is, have I done enough as a Muslimah in the dunya to please Allah? 


 Add us on Facebook! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Roadtrip-to-Zawajland/116370088419065