'Many sisters opinions of polygyny would change if their husbands were going about it the right way'

Assalaamu alaikum, InshaAllah you are all in the best of health and imaan.....I am Umm Mujahid the new addition to Roadtrip to Zawajland.

For my first blog post I wanted to write about the highly debated topic of "Polygamy"..

The actual word is Polygyny - which means for a man to have multiple wives which as we know is permissible for our brothers. 

But the issue is many of the brothers who are embarking on the road of Polygyny are doing so without even knowing the rights and responsibilities of all involved, this is why the rate of divorce is so high amongst us as Muslims because we aren't taking the steps necessary to gain knowledge before seeking a spouse.

Many of the brothers are unemployed and lacking in knowledge. They claim to want to be in a polygamous marriage because it is closer to the Sunnah but that is a LIE... I'm not saying all brothers are the same but a large majority are and thats simply a fact!!!

I think many sisters opinions of polygyny would change if their husbands were going about it the right way.......for example the basic rights of a wife is for a husband to provide her with food, clothing and place to live but instead these brothers want the goverment to pay the rent and provide for their wives.

The line i'm hearing the most is " I will find a sister who is established to be my 2nd/3rd/4th wife " which basically means she has to be working or on benefits and have her own house so he doesn't have to provide anything!

It has been clearly stated in the Qu'ran :

"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means..." [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

"...but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them [women]..." [al-Baqarah 2:228]

I don't want to go on for too long but i felt this issue had to be addressed, I wrote this blog based on experiences that many of my sisters have had to deal with.

As women we have to remember we do not own our husbands and if he wants to take a co wife we cant stop him but if he is in no position to provide or be just to more than one wife we should advise them because he will have to answer to Allah for any injustice.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever has two wives and favours one of them over the other, will come on the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides leaning." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1141), Abu Dawood (2133), al-Nasaa'i (3942) and Ibn Majaah (1969). Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa'l-Tarheeb (no. 1949)

Al-Teebi said in his commentary on the words "with one of his sides leaning", i.e., tilting. And it was said that this will be in such a way that all the people on the Day of Resurrection will see him, so this will increase his punishment.

As for the brothers reading my blog i hope it is an eyeopener for you to see how sisters feel about this topic and the reasons behind us not wanting our husband taking on a co - wife.

Words from the scholars: 'Marriage is not lust and the woman is not just pleasure and enjoyment'

The noble Sheikh, the Mufti of the committee of major scholars in Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Abdul Aziz ibn Abdullah Aali Shiekh declared that marriage is not just about lust and fulfilling the desires rather it is security and living together and stability.

And the noble Sheikh said: Some of the Muslims have an incorrect understanding about marriage, understanding it in a way other than its reality. Some of them have an understanding that marriage is simply about fulfilling their desires, so although they might implement the legislated marriage contract, their intention with this marriage is not stability nor commitment rather he marries and in himself he is planning to divorce her, meaning he knows in himself that he will marry her for a specific time period even if he does not mention this or disclose this.

So he marries her due to his desire for her not to have serenity and peace of mind with her, but he only counts her as just a simple pleasure; so he s always on the verge of divorcing her and bringing in someone other than her. So he is a husband and at the same time he mixes this with the intention of divorce. And he does not want from the woman anything other than pleasure.

This is deception to the woman and dishonesty and misleading her; and if a man came to his daughter or his sister and he knew that he did not want her except for this purpose he would not allow him to marry her, but when it comes to other people s daughters he does whatever he wants.

And all of this is from deception and dishonesty and fraud and betrayal. And for this reason Islam has prohibited temporary marriage; and this is to marry for an estimated number of days for an agreed upon specific duration. Therefore this was made impermissible due to the harms that it contains.

And the Sheikh said: So what the person does not like for his daughters then he should not like it for the daughters of the Muslims.

And the Sheikh said: And some of the people might travel to places in order to find marriage for a specific number of days or months and he thinks this is a marriage contract and all of this is trivial to him, so he falls into sin.

And there are some who marry a number of women before (the other women he divorced) finish their waiting period. So he will merge the marriage to more than ten women in one month without any concern for the Islamic legislated contract.

And the Mufti said: The Muslim must have good judgment and he should not let his goal be to fulfill his desire in a way that is not in accordance with the Islamic legislation. And he must adorn himself with the manners of Islam, and he must look at other people s daughters just like he looks at his own daughters and his own sisters, and he should put people in the position that he likes to be in.

Therefore if the person believes it allowable to do evil to the daughters of others and to not comply with the Islamic standard and then he does not want this same evil for his daughters; then why this discrepancy? Where is the balance, where is the justice?

Unfortunately, there are some Muslims who make permissible that which Allah has made impermissible so in a matter of days they marry a number of women, all with the intention of divorce, seeking by this to gain some benefit (from the wife) in the summer or the winter or other than this, and Islam prohibits this. Therefore Islam wants for us to be well-balanced in our contracts and to put others in the position of our daughters and our sisters and to be truthful in our dealings.

And the Sheikh said: & and some of them go and travel and get married against the normal system and then they fall into sin or serious situations and perhaps they might abandon their wives or leave them and not return to them after they have become pregnant or given birth to his child, so this exposes the Muslim descendants to danger. And some of them don t care about their wives or their children so major problems occur as a result of this treacherous marriage.

http://www.sahab.net/forums/showthread.php?t=354427