Will you marry me? And my mother, father, sister, uncle and aunt?

Bismillahi rahmani raheem,

Imagine if somebody asked you that, "Asalamu alaikum, would you be interested in marrying my entire family? I mean they're good people and all, who wouldn't wan't to marry them? So yeah, let me know if you're interested!" - I am pretty sure the majority of us would be left horrified after such an encounter. Perhaps some of us would even be flicking through Bukhari or Muslim trying to find a hadeeth which you could use to refute the marriage proposal. Or maybe, you'd say yes to marrying this persons entire family (because you're clever!)

Many of us become fixated on marrying just an individual. Yes, fine, you are going to have one spouse. It's going to be you and them living together, planning out your lives together and starting a family together insha Allah. There are only two people in a marriage (in most cases), right?

Well no. There isn't. When you're looking to marry somebody, you have to remember that this person did not land on Earth from Planet Beautiful. This person is a daughter or a son, a niece or a nephew, a granddaughter or a grandson. They belong to a family, and when you marry them, you marry the family. Now, don't plan on purchasing a massive bed for the extended family to sleep with you in - that would be disturbing and unislamic. But what I'm trying to get at here is, a lot of people before they get married, particularly the men, they tend to forget that the sister would like you to interact with her family. Go out with her father, do some food shopping with her mother, play on the play-station with her brother, paint her little sisters nails (OK, going too far) You get where I'm going though, right? Don't expect your wife-to-be to constantly entertain your parents, if you're not doing the same for her. I'm not encouraging rebellion in any way, what I'm saying is her family becomes your family and his family becomes yours. All one, no favoritism, no discrimination.

I am not suggesting that everybody should live with their in-laws and visit them 24/7. I know my parents want me out of the house as soon as I get married, so visiting them every single day would probably annoy them. However, I'm advising us Muslims to uphold the ties of kinship. Don't break away from your parents just because you get married. Come on, your mama been there for you since day!

5 Signs He's Just Not That Into Marrying You

Bismillaahi Rahmani Raheem,

We know we went missing for a while and for all those who were worried about us, we are alive and well alhamdulilah. We know it's Valentines today and that is not why we're posting, it was just a coincidence really.

Anyyywaaaay, so there's a brother who says he would like to get married to you. You're getting mixed messages from him even though he claims to be serious about it. Well here are a few things you should watch out for:

1) He has no plans to visit your father/wali, just yet 

If the brother has approached you & you sent him back, asking for him to contact your wali and his response has been quasi non-existant then, he's probably not that into you to have the guts and man-up to meet your father. The most common excuse is that: 'he needs time to get his head round visiting your wali.' Okay we understand visiting your father will probably be the most nerve wracking experience of his life (fathers can be scary), yes, but to avoid meeting your wali is in NO WAY acceptable.
How does he expect you to get married? After months or even years in a haram relationship?
Tell this brother to get outta here. He's not serious and definitely not ready for marriage.

2) He's not working nor planning to get any sort of income to support his wife-to-be

If the brother doesn't work nor is his father some rich millionaire nor is he willing to find a job, then I'm afraid it's not looking good at all! It's one thing struggling to find a job but quite another *if* he's not planning to start working. It suggests that he is not concerned about providing for his wife to be.
Allaah (swt) clearly says 'Men are the maintainers of women' in Surah Baqarah. So, if he isn't fulfilling this role, let him not put himself in the shoes of a man. A guy who 'really' cares will try his best, at any cost.

Note: seriously brothers, if you're not fit to marry then do not start something upon nothing. It's her right to be provided for.

3) He's coming empty handed at every meeting

If he does come over to your house for more than 5 times and he hasn't bothered bringing a little gift (to show that he cares) for either you, your mother or your siblings, something's not quite right there. Whatever happened to the old school habits of bringing a girl flowers or chocolates? Women like that old school stuff. In actual fact, guess what?! This brother expects you to give him a gift for the time he spent with you: 'So, sister, where's my attar?' There's something really odd there.. A man who truly cares about a potential wife-to-be, will do everything & anything he can to show that he really cares. Even if that includes putting the hand in that small pocket of his.

Attention: we are not at all promoting gold digging or materialism. Not at all.

4) He's got lost on the way

If the brother comes in, lowering his gaze, sits, looks at you and then whispers some words which sound like :A'thubilaah, astarfirullah' and then doesn't lift his head up. Or, if he is looking at the wall behind you or admiring the carpet instead of listening to you then I think the brother maybe hasn't got the right house.
Or, if he likes you but you're thinking: 'eerr, why have you got a blue sock and a grey one? No, no wait, why are there 5 holes in each sock?'
Or perhaps you're trying to figure out what color his khamees is: is it white? or some greyish/browinsh.. what the heck?' Right, I suggest both go their different ways, first impressions are always important!

5) He's always boasting about how many sisters want to marry him

If the brother starts the conversation by telling you how sisters always try to marry him (note: sisters run after this brother; miskeen), and he tells you how just on his way to your house, two sisters asked his number and he was like: 'Sorry sis, but I'm meeting another sister right now but if you want to book an appointment for 5 o'clock I can do that. Ask your wali innit.' This brother has a very busy schedule, maybe a bit too busy for you . Furthermore, it's a *major* mistake to mention any other female name in the first meetings, gentlemen: please write that down if you want a second meeting.

BONUS:- If in addition to ALL this, he mentions his urgent desire to marry another wife right after you (bearing in mind all of these situations), then Ladies I have one word of advice: this is the 'good talker' type of man. Once you detect the symptoms, you should run away far from him. We mean it, run fast. Even if it means pulling up your abaya and taking off your shoes to run fast.