Be happy.. & SINGLE

Assalam 'aleykum waRahmatullaahi waBarakatuh everyone,

Ahlan wa Sahlan after what seemed like years and years.. of not updating the blog but hey, I always get amazed to see how many people regurlarly visit this blog on a d.a.i..l.y basis.

I had never imagined in my wildest dreams that people from all over the world would be reading my articles on Zawaj and find them interesting or beneficial..

                             Aaaah, this blog will make me famous one day *dreams away*

Journalist: 'So, Umm Z., how did you get this brilliant idea of starting Zawajland?
Me: If you knew how this all started.. a night, a friend, an idea and BOOM a blog!'

It's been nearly three years since this blog was created, a few articles, some criticisms (oh well!), lots of encouragements (oh yes!), my anonymity lost (oh noo!) but it's still going on.

However, I am not that naive to think that most of you guys are reading this because you're interested in what I have to say but most of you read this blog because it's all about marriage (you know that I'm right)

I'm pretty convinced if this blog was aimed towards other religious aspects .. it wouldn't be so popular. Kinda sad really.

And this leads to today's article.. why can't we be happy and single?!

- Why can't we just be happy to be single?

- Why do we always have to talk about marriage in our gatherings?

- Why are we constantly thinking about marriage?

- Why are brothers always standing in front of the masajids?

- Why are sisters not lowering their gazes?

- Why are we not happy with the Qadr of Allaah?

- Why do I have a blog on marriage?

- Why do you read my articles?

- Why aren't we happy to live with our parents?

- Why do we idealise our future spouse so much?

- Why do we have unrealistic expectations?

- Why are so short-sighted?

- Why are we so confused about love?

- Why are we so afraid of growing old alone?

Why, why & why?

Because we are never happy with what we have (most of us anyway) and for brothers even when they eventually get married, guess WHAT? And sisters who constantly fantasise about a bearded prince if they knew how chilled out life is at their momma and daddy's house, guess WHAT?
No, actually forget it!


All I'm trying to say here is that we should concentrate on things that are more important like improving our ownselves, seeking knowledge, being dutiful to our parents, being concerned with the Ummah. Marriage is not something we control so leave it up to the One who controls all things *simple*.

Being single is a blessing in itself that most of us do not realise, we all want to rush towards something that were it not for the Mercy of Allaah, we could have flopped and messed up. REAL BAD.

Now, I'm not saying we shouldn't get married (come on, that would be contradicting my blog!), just that it's not necessary to worry too much about it or to have 1000 theoretical discussions on who you think is the ideal husband/wife.

I know that this advice may not sound very appealing to a lot of you because the shahaawat (desires) are burning you and taking over your rational mind at times, if that is the case listen to what the Lord says in Surah Noor; verse 33:

'And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His Bounty'

Yes! Remaining chaste (physically, mentally) will help you be happy & single.

I will leave you with these last words to think about and ponder over:

Love is overrated. We are blinded by what we see from people surrounding us but if we were to open our eyes, we would surely see what real Love is.

I ask you by Allaah, have you seen a Love more pure, genuine, wholesome than the Love Allaah has for you?

I don't want to depress you but some of the greatest Islamic Scholars never got married, they had found the purest of Love.. they didn't need anything else...

Why do we?

Subhanaka Allaahuma, astaghfirullaahi wa atouubu ilayh.

Ila liqaa

Oh sister, is he threatened by your Degree?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

السلام عليكم 

Sisters who know me already know of my adamant position regarding education in general and especially Muslim girls/women seeking education. 

  

  ''Seeking knowledge is a duty of every Muslim, man or woman”.

•  Islamic Knowledge

Many people have this erred belief that islamic knowledge is a property that is exclusive to men for men and khalas that is it. Added to this misconception, I feel that a lot of women/girls are lethargic (what an ugly word) when it comes to seeking islamic knowledge.

 Yes, I agree that there aren't a huge number of facilities allowing sisters to study in the West but if you look deeper, you will find in almost every city a center or a masjid or someone willing to teach you about Islam. This unfortunate attitude has translated in many sisters marrying brothers without having correct or complete knowledge of the rules of marriage, divorce, children and other topics dealing with zawaj.

I've mentioned this in previous articles, but I'll say it again: it is imperative that you know what you're getting into. 
Can someone pray if they don't know how to pray? No. Treat marriage as so because it is, after all, worship.
It has rules: you have rights & you have duties. He has rights & he has duties.

Sisters, learn your religion at the hands of trustworthy people: the well-know 'Ulama (scholars) of this Ummah. If you aren't married, make it your aim to memorise the Qur'an or have, at least, a plan for yourself before your marriage. 

Aim high and be proactive, no more complaining. 
If there aren't lessons taking place in your area, how about you begin by organising a small sisters' circle?
 Start small and built up from there.

A swift reminder on sincerity would perhaps be best here. It may be a very personal feeling but I feel that for many, seeking knowledge has become a label more than anything. A sticker you stick on yourself just because... yeah, well you attend the weekly duroos at the masjid. 
Be humble, be sincere.. easy words, profound meanings. 
I'll leave it here for you to think about it..

Now, don't let marriage or Mr.Sweet Eyes distract you from the path you've embarked! 
This is your path to Jannah by the permission of Allaah. I suggest you discuss this point in your meetings with your potential(s). Perhaps he can teach you at home? (lucky girl!) Perhaps he can find someone to teach you & the ladies in your area? Perhaps he doesn't want you to have more 'ilm than him? (yes, some are like that!)

PS: Remember, you can also add points like this in your marriage contract (Stay tuned for this article 'Tips on what to write in your marriage contract'  inshAllaah)

• Other type of Knowledge 

I get thrilled when I see Muslim sisters who have finished their academic route whislt remaining steadfast on their deen. Sadly, it is not a common sight for me. Throughout my own journey on this route, I picked up the traits of those sisters and drawn some conclusions. We could all agree on 3 main types of girls: 

- the first type, by the Mercy of Allaah, has completed or is in the process of completing her education. She is a religious girl who has her intentions checked and knows why she is studying, she has her own plan and aims. She avoids the evils of mixed schools to the best of her ability (and.. that IS possible), she prays her prayers and wears the correct Hijab. She has the adab prescribed in the Qur'an & Sunnah and is a 'walking dawah' in her campus. We should all aspire to be like this.

- the second type has as Allaah [swt] describes in surah Fatir: '..khalatu 'amalan saleehan wa akhara sayyi'a..' They have mixed a good action with evil one (approximative translation). You may see them in the students bar, coming in the prayer room with tight jeans, possibly mixing with guys but they still identify as Muslims, they still come and pray. They could do well with a helping hand from the first type of sisters.

- the third type has unfortunatly, fell deep into the wrong side. 
We all know their characteristics, may Allaah make them & us steadfast.

Way too many people believe that education is not for girls.. 

what's the point? She'll get married anyway

So what? I feel the urge to say when I hear this statement.
How does the fact that 'she'll get married anyway' take anything away from her seeking education? Don't we all want female doctors, teachers, scientists, dentists, nurses, instructors, buisnesswomen, lawyers, accountants..? 
Even if, she chooses not to work later on, having an education background will definetly help her in her personal skills. 
What if she has no other choice but to work? Is she going to survive on a degrading job?

I will not deny that we also have among us the other extreme, the utra-super-militant girls who believe that unless you graduate, go on post-grad, pursue a PhD then you're just a loser with a big L. No need to push it neither extremes, keep it to the middle path. 

Ah! I didn't talk about those brothers who ... feel threatned to marry a girl with more knowledge than them (be it religious or secular). That was my title right?
This happens. It probably has a name like 'Im-scared-to-marry-a-sister-with-a-degree- Syndrome'. We also have sisters with a disease called 'He-aint-got-a-degree- what-a-loser Syndrome'.. this is also wrong. 

Ideally,  when one is looking to marry, you'd want to marry someone with a similar educational background as yourself. I mean, imagine a bedouin girl marrying a guy with a PhD in neuroscience.. Happy days they will indeed have! 
  


*SIGH* I feel like I'm rumbling away on this post, I don't even think this is how I wanted this post to go! Awkward. 

My final words: sisters, do seek knowledge. Islamic & Secular. Study something beneficial that you enjoy, become proficient in your area, develop expertise. Intent to help yourself, your family, your community, the Ummah with that degree. Work hard but do not neglect your deen, do not compromise on your beliefs, do not fall to the whispers of the Shaytan. Remain far, far from the opposite gender and work even harder.



The Prophet 'aleyhi salaam mentioned in a hadith that I cherish 

Allaah loves when any one of you does an action, that he perfects it

Subhanaka Allahuma astaghfirullaah wa atubu ilayk

A brother's whisper

Bismillaahi Ar-Rahmaan Ar-Raheem,

Assalam 'Aleykum waRahmatullaahi Wabaraktuh dear readers,

In this hectic period of (dunya) examinations & tests, it seems that I only manage to blog when something out of the ordinary happens to me. Like today.

The story goes like this...

Location: a packed library
Characters: Myself, a brother and a sister


11am: I decide to head towards the library in order to start on some over-due work. I quickly manage to find a seat despite the crowd and begin my report. I hadn't written more than 5 sentences when I was unexpectedly interrupted by a whisper behind me which almost made me jump from my seat. I turn around very swiftly and find a bearded individual standing there. At that very uncertain moment where a million thoughts are running in my head, I recognise the brother who is actually in one of my classes. The brother continues his whisper whilst casting his gaze downwards:

'Excuse-me sister, can you see that sister behind the printer? Do you know her?'

As I hear these two sentences, my cheeks turn red, my throat dries up, my fingers interlock and my eyes stare at the sister who is so innocently waiting for her papers to come out of the printer. At that point I was totally bewildered, I mean the brother in question had never spoken to me before and I had always thought that he was a married man with children so I was extremely confused as to why he would ask me such a question!

I replied: 'No, I don't know her'

He added in a hurried whisper: 'Could you please find out if she's married? Don't tell her anything about me, just find out if she's available.'

'OK' I replied astonished and shocked.

Then he left and I turned back to my books and computer screen.

However it was impossible to concentrate, I had agreed to do something I'm completely against despite my own will. I felt trapped.
On one hand, I couldn't (and didn't want to) begin an argument (with this individual) as to why this is wrong and anyway, you are not allowed to talk in a library!!!) Yet on the other hand, I had said 'OK' and he would be waiting for the answer.

As I scribbled in my notebook, my vision could capture the sister (the brother also sat in a convenient seat which allowed him to see the sister but also witness my heroic move if it happened).

11:07am: The sister collects all her papers and takes her bag. I can feel the nerves but in all honesty I had already decided (in my head) that I would not tell her anything but I felt nervous because the brother was supervising all her and my movements. I look at her direction and she walks right behind me with few of her friends. She stops, looks towards me and leaves the library. The brother was also sneakily looking at her behind his book.


11:15am: Still confused at the whole thing, I decide to leave the place and get some fresh air.

Conclusion:

This was probably one of the strangest encounter I've ever had and if you're a brother, never ever do this. Not only this annoyed me (being interrupted, having a brother whispering, pointless request ect..) but it seemed so wrong to me. At one point I felt to tell the brother: 'Check my post: Best scenarios Part 1, it should help you'.

After ample reflexion, I feel sorry for the brother and anyone who is in the same case. It's not easy remaining chaste and seeking halal marriage. The struggle he's probably going through is bigger than the annoyance I've felt as I was interrupted. I pray that Allaah helps this individual (and the rest of us) in seeking the halal and leaving the haram in every matter.

My Husband is a good man

Assalam 'aleykum people,

Today, like most days, I had a long and eventful day however someone made it a bit more special than usual. Well, I had a meeting earlier (and no, it's not the meeting you're thinking of *rolls eyes*) let's say a work/study meeting with a young (muslim) girl of Bengladeshi origin.

We sat down in the nearby cafeteria and began talking about various things. Out of the blue, the sister mentioned that she is married (she's 21 yrs old) so I sympathetically expressed my happiness and sort-of congratulated her. She seemed happy. We carried on our conversation which was, by that time, interupted by some unconsiderate young men who were shouting around *very annoying*.
Once the cafeteria had regained its quietness, the sister whispered a sentence that made me smile from my heart. She said: 'my husband is a good man' in such a genuine and honest way that everyone would just go 'aww'. A simple sentence which implicated a huge meaning.

It triggered me into thinking about the issue (little things tend to make me think a lot). You know, the way you deal with people leave a mark on them so much so that they begin to talk about you to others (in goodness) without you having a clue about it. I mean, we don't hear this sentence much amongst married women. In fact, usually we hear 'my husband doesn't know this.. or that' 'my husband can't do this ..or that'. All things negative. Indeed wasn't it the Prophet 'aleihi salaam who said that women would outnumber men in the Fire of Hell, one of the reasons being 'because they deny the favours of their husbands'? Yes, that is the case.



Ladies, let's learn how to appreciate little things. I could sense the happiness radiating from the sister today (may Allaah increase it for her). In case you're thinking, 'oh that's because she's newly married' then you're wrong. If you're thinking: 'oh that's because she had a love marriage' then you're wrong again! The sister had an arranged marriage and has been married for over a year -may Allaah increase it for her-.
Happiness is in acknowledging and appreciating the little daily things about your partner, it's in being patient with their shortcomings, it's in thanking them and making supplications on their behalf. Happiness in marriage is remembering the other even though they're not around. (these are some of my theoreotical hypotheses from today)

She (expectedly) asked me whether I was married to which I replied in the negative.
She smiled and further interrogated me: 'oh, you have a boyfriend?'  -
Now that question surprised me but I didn't take it offensively (good mood) but a very off-side question to ask a muslima who looks like one (outwardly at least).
I giggled: 'haha, boyfriend? God forbid!'.
 I found out that laughing/giggling things off help a lot during awkward/weird/embarassing moments, it diverts attention but the sister was quite insistant in her interrogation. Perhaps I should've have laughed a bit more? Maybe, maybe not.

Finally, let me end with the words that have been ringing in my head this afternoon:

'My husband is a good man' - simple sentence, simple words, big meaning.

Ma'salaam

Indecency/Immorality

Assalam 'aleykum,

Bismillaah wa salaatu wa salaam 'ala Rasulilaah salla Allaah 'aleyhi wa salaam.

I wanted to say something about indecency/immorality.
This post has actually been triggered by a message we've received earlier this month from a young sister. For confidentiality purposes, I won't reveal any of the contents of the message but the least I can say is that it left me disturbed and disgusted.

Indency and immorality are spreading across the globe at a fast speed, things that would have been considered immoral  few years ago have now become the 'norm' for many people. Society is promoting the spreading of these indecent behaviors, thoughts and dissolves it so that it is smoothly assimilated by people. Sadly, muslims whether in the West or in the East have not been much successful in resisting these forces of the Shaytaan from approaching them.

It's quite sad when our Prophet 'aleyhi salaam was the epitome of good morals and character so much so that Allaah says regarding the Prophet 'Indeed, you are on an exalted standard of character'. We need to be worthy of being part of the Ummah of Muhammad (peace be upon him).

 I remember reading about a companion who had seen from a woman something he shouldn't have and was severely affected by remorse and regret that he ran away from Medina to the near-by mountains and would be crying & crying. The Prophet was concerned about his absence so he sent some of the companions to look for him and they found him at last. This is the feeling we should be getting when we witness indecency or immorality. This is the reaction the heart filled with faith gets. As for the dead heart or the sick one, the reaction is minimal almost non-existent.

Another problem is public education, I suggest parents who have young childreen or teenagers to reconsider sending their kids in public schools where they are taught many things you woudn't approve of! In schools, the teaching staff is not the only teacher! Best believe that their class-mates will also be doing some teaching.. and not the kind of teaching we would like our kids to learn.
Children are a trust from God, be wary of neglecting this trust.

Preserve yourselves O believers.

'O You who Believe! Protect yourselves and your families from the Fire which the fuel for it are men and stones.'

Subhanaka Allaahuma wa bihamdik.

Family Issues 2

So-called 'family hook-ups' don't always work, this 2nd example will clearly show this. The reason why they sometimes don't work is because the families or family friend are trying to bring together 2 opposite people in a bid to marry them to each other. Fat chance!

Summer 2009

One beautiful day, my mother sends my sister & I to bring our aunty  from her mother's house (our grand-ma) to our house, she was meant to stay a few days with us. We set off to the other side of the city and arrived at the house which was filled with women - some we knew but most were unknown. Regardless, we greeted each one indivudually and sat down as we were being scrutinised from head-to-toe. Women from my country like to comment to details, little time had passed before they began commenting on my sister's abaya and hijab and my jilbab, enquiring almost in a rude way 'why I was not teaching my sister to wear the jilbab' and 'why wasn't she dressed like I was'. I was defending my newly-practising sister by saying that she'll wear it in due time and that she's covered up decently, no need to rub it in.

Anyway, no need to say that I was getting a lot of attention that day. The aunt we came to get is very sweet but she exaggerates things a lot (another typical feature of Somaali women) so she was telling the other women about my religious dedication (lol) and my love for the Deen whilst multiplicating and engrossing the facts. As a result, all the women were alternating between the tahmid (alhamdulilaah) and the tasbih (subhanallah) as well as the 'mashAllaah' in many folds. It was getting a bit uncomfortable for me and I couldn't wait to get out of there and go home. As we were preparing to leave, my father's cousin (my aunt) asked me for my number. I love her so I had no objection to give it out. She was sitting at the other side of the room so I was telling her my number.. 'okay it's 078...' easily in the hearing range of everyone else. Little did I know that a strange woman was also taking my number down.

We finally managed to leave the house with our aunt as well as that woman since we were heading to the same station. On the way to the station, the lady wouldn't stop talking to me and complimenting me. I mean, I've become deaf to praise (walhamdulilah) but this was something else! She began to mention her son slyly but I could see her game and was quite honest with her. She went her way and we went ours.

One day, she called me and I quickly remembered her voice, she said that I was still in her mind and that she still loved me (I only met her once?!) -i don't understand what it is with the emotional blackmail lol- and that her son was still available. I gently declined but with these type of women, gently declining is like agreeing. That's something I learnt.

Ramadan 2009

Few weeks after that incident, the blessed month of Ramadan began and this whole thing went at the back of my mind. I didn't even tell my mother because I thought I handled the situation rather well, oh how wrong was I to belittle the scheme of women!

The month flew by and soon we had entered into the last 10 days. I remember clearly on the 27th night of Ramadan, we had begged our mother to let us stay & complete the taraweeh with the Imam (it would end a bit before midnight), she allowed us but she was worried. I decided to put my phone on vibrate so that if she calls then I'd finish my rak'at and leave. Whilst in the prayer, my phone rang once. Twice. Thirce. Four times, five times. It wouldn't stop vibrating! I thought: that's not mother for sure, who is calling me at this time of this blessed night?

Checked my phone and it was a funny number that I didn't have saved. I ignored it but it called again as I was going home so I picked up and the voice said: 'Hello..hallo'. It was a man's voice so I hunged up immediately. I texted asking who the person was, and the person replied with broken english. I tried to remind him of the importance of this night and his disturbance was not needed especially at this time. I had decided to call the woman in the morning and make myself clear to her because she had crossed 'the' line.

I prepared a speech on a piece of paper with my points numbered in the right order and I called her. I told her she had made a mistake and that it wasn't right for her to pass my number. I insisted on the religious error she committed and she didn't like it very much saying 'Habo, I know the religion too.' ''/ All in all, as she was talking the line got cut and she never called back.

Last year, I was told that her son married someone back home and I saw the wedding clip lol. All I can say is Allaah's Qadr outreaches all other things. I learnt that the son worked in an internet cafe and that the mother was worried about the girls that he was meeting and she wanted to secure a religious girl for her son. Once again, this selfish attitude is to be denounced! I'm not mentioning these annecdotes for the sake of it but this is a trend lately. Good, pure sisters are hooked up with funny, dodgy brothers who have little to offer her. This is usually done behind the parents' back despite them knowing the girl's parents and sometimes being related to them.

All I can say is that I've grown wiser & stronger from these experiences and I have learnt to expect the unexpected. Family hook-ups are a no-no for me unless it's coming from my parents, I don't mind them because I know they want the best for me but other than them, no thank you.

Sisters, be careful and say NO to the emotional blackmail that is going around.

Family Issues

Assalam 'aleykum,


January 2011


I had to go to Swizertland for 2 weeks; partly for research purposes (education) and partly for family purposes. I was staying over my father's cousin's house (my aunt and her husband) they've seen me grow up and I'm very comfortable around them. In fact, during my stay I was treated like a little princess. They showered me with great compassion and love, may Allaah protect them!

One day, as I was chilling in the living room, the phone house rings and my aunt picks up. It turns out to be her sister, my aunt from London, we'll call her Aunty F.
A few weeks earlier, I had bumped into her at a wedding so I happily embraced her & engaged into a rather short conversation (I had to leave) but before I left, she managed to introduce me to a lady who was sitting next to her so I warmly greeted the lady, as Aunt F. was telling her about my whole family tree line (so typical). This lady is the mother of Ali (read-on)

Back to our story, after a while, the phone is handed over to me so I speak to Aunty F. and she's asking me various (normal) questions like: -when did you come? -how's everything? -how's the weather? You get the picture right? Then she said:

'Habo (affectionate word), I love you a lot. You're such a hard working-girl and very religious mashAllaah! I've been thinking about you lately and .... well, there's this man who's family and he's also very religious. I can see you with him and I want you to consider this my love. What do you think?'

I was astonished and shocked. As she was talking, I was just saying: 'aah okay, mashAllaah, alhamdulilaah, jazakAllaah khayra, thank you aunty..' into an emotionless voice because:

1) I didn't know what else to say
2) The aunty I was staying with was around, I didn't want her to hear (but of course, she knew all about it too)
3) I thought of leaving the room and go somewhere else but I didn't want to look suspicious.

Deep down, I didn't really believe anything would actually happen, I thought 'oh she's just sharing a thought she had..and that's all' .. I was wrong.
As I put the phone down, I thought to myself '*shrugs* whatever, I'm not interested, nothing's happening..' and I left it there.

Later on the same day, my aunty's house got filled with men, about 3 men. Therefore, I retreated to my room which was quite good because I had work to get on with. About 20 mins later, my uncle knocks on the door and says I have a phone call, I'm thinking it's probably mom or dad but no. Instead, it turned out to be Aunt F.'s husband!
Now, I don't know Aunt F.'s husband at all, I think I only saw him once when I was a kid so I didn't even realise it was him when I spoke on the phone.

The conversation goes as follows:

Him: Assalam 'aleykum adeer, how are you doing?
Me: Alhamdulilaah I'm good, and yourself? -I still havn't figured out who I'm talking to-
Him: Alhamdulilaah we're all good, I believe you spoke to Aunty F. today? -Now I get the picture and my brain is rushing at the maximum speed-
Me: mmh yes we spoke this morning
Him: Okay, well here's the man... *silence* I'm handing the phone over to him now okay?
Me:    *omg!!* Pinch me, is this a nightmare?!

Let's call the brother Ali:

Ali: *strong London accent* Assalam 'aleykum sista, my name's Ali and I'm 25 years old. I'm Salafi, been practising for a year, I'm doing an IT course at the moment. I was born in Africa and I live in North London. Can you tell me more about yourself?
Me: (words can't describe the way my heart dropped after he spoke, but I had to recollect myself) Wa'aleykum salam, erm.. mashAllaah.. I'm a bit confused why you're telling all of this?
Ali: I wanna get married before the end of the year init. I heard you're finishing university as well
Me: err yes but I have other projects. Plus I don't think you should be calling me without my parent's knowledge.
Ali: I know, I know you're in Swizertland but yeah just think about it and I'll contact you back once you come to London. Assalam 'aleykum
Me:.....wa'aleyka salaam.


It was longer than this but I just put the main part. I put the phone down and thought: what on earth is this?! Were they all awaiting me to be far from my parents to bring this show? I was so shocked because these people are really close family and although they thought they were doing good, they were in fact, sowing seeds of fitna.

The same day, my hero (my father's brother) came and I recalled the whole story to him. He got very angry, he said it was irresponsible and unacceptable. I tried to forget all about it for the remaining part of my time there. Once I returned to London, I obviously informed my mother who was also rather angry about it. Mother said that Aunty. F should have contacted her first, they're family and I'm not an orphan when she's coming to me straightaway without consulting the bigger authority (parents) first. I agreed. My mother called Aunty F. for an explanation and my mother kinda cooled down when she found out the man's family is quite 'well-respected' and that she knew the mother..somehow back in the days.

Weeks later, the guy Ali manages to get my mobile number (the cheek of him!) and calls me numerous times which I missed on purpose. I decided to text him instead and told him frankly to go his own way. And he did.

Turns Off:

- The way in which this whole scenario happened was a major turn off! You should not call a sister on her phone or call her when she's away from her parents. That's rude and offensive!
- The brother's introduction was off-the-hook. Mentioning 'he is a Salafi' like it's a nationality was completely derogatory. I never understand people who feel the need to express their adherence to salafiyyah in such a way. Surely the salaafu-saleeh never shouted around: 'Hey, I'm a salaf, marry me?'
- The slang just killed me. I'm not a big fan of slang and I barely understand it, it's a foreign language to me.
- Putting a time limit 'I have to get married before the end of the year' that's a big flop. My people have this saying 'whoever gets on a tree quickly will fall off quickly'. Simple
- Recently, my parents found out that the brother in question wasn't very stable (mentally). As much as I felt sorry for him, I was angry that my aunties were pushing me to get to know someone who wasn't really fit. A friend of mine told me she was also pushed to consider someone who was once a 'gangster' by her family. There's this new thing where some people think that a religious girl can turn a bad guy into a good guy, so they're hunting for those girls leaving no consideration whatsoever to her desires. It's very selfish and unfair.

Why should a girl who preserved herself all her life should get married with a guy who's 'been there and done that'?
Why should an educated girl be pushed to marry a guy who has never been to school?
Why should girls leave everything to marry some guy?