Violence & the Muslim home

Assalam 'aleykum all,

Today I will be sharing a slightly different experience, a painful experience for some sisters (and brothers).

Sometimes the marriage we all ever wished for:
~  the beautiful union of two souls and the completion of one's Deen doesn't quite turn as we expect. ~

Sometimes it will end in a divorce and sometimes it turns into an unstoppable vicious cycle of violence.

Sadly, this is a taboo within our communities and the victims are often too scared to speak about the domestic violence they are suffering from.

Too scared and unsure of whom to talk to, whom to turn to and what to say.

When do we know the line has been crossed? How much are we supposed to remain patient with our other half? Where do we go when all we know are insults and punches?

I will share one experience of a friend of mine who has been tested with this calamity.
Here it goes:

Sister S. is in her late 20s and she was married to Brother F. for a few years before I even met her. The marriage was arranged by people outside of family, they are actually from 2 (very) different backgrounds.

Sister S. left her family to come and live with her husband in the city and was thus cut off from her closest relatives. However, she quickly found a new family at the local masjid where we met and would often meet thereafter alhamdulilaah.

We clicked fairly quickly and we used to spend much time together.

One thing I noticed very quickly (which I misinterpreted at the time) was that Sister S. would almost go into a panic attack whenever she missed a call from her husband, even if that happened whilst she was in prayer.
I recall being surprised at her behavior but I simply thought that she must be a really obedient and dedicated wife.

Many times, I asked her to join myself and other sisters to attend classes or lectures at the local masjid (or elsewhere) and her response was always:

'Oh, I must ask my husband.'
or
 'I don't think my husband will let me'.

The other sisters always thought that was a bit strange but I, once again, thought that was a somewhat normal/natural response but time proved that I was wrong. After a while, we stopped asking her to join us because we simply knew her husband wouldn't approve of her going anywhere.

For a good few months, I did not see any sight of Sister S. nor did I hear any of her news.
Nobody saw her, nobody knew where she was, silence.

Then, she re-appeared but she was different.
She had become much slimmer, less bubbly, less happy, few teeth missing and generally appeared physically exhausted.

I bombarded her with questions because I was concerned but she simply said her house was very cold in the winter and that the doctor gave her some tablets.

Fast-forward another few months, the news of Sister S. & Brother F.'s divorce reaches me.

I get in touch with the sister and she invites me over to her flat, which, despite our friendship I had never visited before.
She lived in an old, rusty council flat covered with graffiti and scary people hanging out around the estate. The kinda place you would rather not live in.

I entered the apartment and she immediately double-locked the front door whilst telling me she had just changed all the lockers and the keys so that Brother F. wouldn't make a surprise visit.

My heart dropped.

I came into the living room and she showed me how she had packed all of his stuff into neat boxes: his clothes, computer, books etc.

We sat down and there she revealed the horrors of domestic violence.

She first showed me her hair, shaved.
He shaved all of her hair.
She showed me how he put her head in the toilet.
She talked through the punches, kicks, spits.
She explained the cold winters, he had refused to have double-glazing on the windows.

It was unbelievable to me that a Muslim man could harm and take vicious pleasure out of hurting a Muslim woman.

He had successfully managed to cut off the sister from her relatives, her family and reduced her self-confidence to zero.

Sister S. managed to get out of this hell by herself which was extremely brave of her, alhamdulilaah.
The physical damage caused will inshallaah repair itself over time, however for the psychological and emotional damage... there is no guarantee.

This is only one tiny bit of one story, there are hundreds and thousands of cases of domestic violence in Muslim homes.

So, how can we notice a violent man before marriage?

Firstly, sisters, do not rush to marry to the first guy who knocks on your door.
Do carry out a thorough investigation, give it some time, get to know him under different circumstances, feel free to test his patience

-If the guy gets angry for no reason
-If he wants to take you away from everyone and everything you know, especially your parents
-If he is paranoid and a control freak
-If he has a history of violence
-If he belittles women in general
-If he is not concerned of your worries and fears

These are a few signals that could alert you..

A man does not turn violent overnight, he probably had a past that had made him turn violent.. therefore families must also play their role in ensuring that their daughter is marrying safely.

I shall possibly extent on this topic a little more in another post inshAllah but I'll stop here for now.

SubhanAka Allahuma wa bi hamdik, astaghfiruka wa atubu ilayk

Ma'salaam ~

Hold up brother!

Assalam 'Aleykum !

DISCLAIMER:

This post may be offensive to my brothers in Islam so it is with extra care and no sarcasm that I will be writing today's article inshAllaah. I will , in this post, reflect some of the concerns most sisters have regarding our brothers in faith. However, these are not a one-size-fits-all and I am not trying to stereotype or point fingers (I promise) but I'm here to address issues  that I feel perhaps brothers are not conscious of and could possibly benefit from.

How's your Deen akhi?

It is known to everyone that MOST young people have returned to the Deen in the last 3 to 5 years and Allaah is praised for this, Alhamdulilaah! This recent phenomena has meant that we see more and more beards around, more swag like thobes and 'imamaahs but when it comes to asking the questions:

'So, when was the last time you prayed Qiyaam? Or, how frequently do you fast? What kutub or matn have you memorised?'

I mean apart from stutters, I haven't heard much.

You may think.. woaaaah, memorise kutub? This sista is havin' a laugh! Who does she think she is? 

Ok, give me a minute. 

What brothers need to understand is that sisters (at least serious & practising ones) require brothers to have -at the very least- a strong base in Deen. A strong base in knowledge and a strong base in practice. Now, of course, the level required will differ from sister to sister.

A sister may be happy to marry a brother who can just teach her how to read Arabic and another may desire a brother who can teach her Nahw (Arabic Grammar). For a lot of us, the main reason why we turn down proposals is because we are presented with fresh-in-the-deen brothers who perhaps struggle with reading Fatiha with tajweed and who perhaps don't even know halaal from haram ect..

Where's the seeking of knowledge akhi?

The majority of young brothers in the West think, out of good intentions, that they seek knowledge and when a prospective sister asks this question, they jump in to say:

'Yes alhamdulilah I seek knowledge'.

But, it doesn't take too long to dig before you realise that; LO! AND BEHOLD!
What they actually mean by 'seeking knowledge' is attending 2hrs of islamic classes a week for the most adhering ones.

It's possible that there are brothers out there who do genuiely seek knowledge for the sake of Allah (although I'm the first to admit that there's only a certain amount we can seek in the West) - the majority does not and this point alone can easily make a sister turn down proposals.

Now, do not think for a second that you should seek knowledge for you to get married, you'll stain your intentions.
Seek knowledge for Allaah, aim to learn your religion so that you can one day teach & benefit your family and Allaah (swt) will open the doors to blessings for you.

Where's the money at brother?

I had to add this one in.
I never understood brothers who will present themselves to a sister while they don't have the financial means to sustain a wife. Funny thing is that they also know they're not able to provide for her but still want to marry. LALA-land at its finest.

'ajib isn't it?

Perhaps more worrying is the lack of responsability (al-mas'uliyyah) from our brothers, marriage is a whole load of responsabilities for both men and women but men have that bit extra responsability.
How sad is it to see them unaware of their role? Ignorant of their duties? Careless of their responsabilities? ---->  Need i say more?  

 f.i.x         u.p          q.u.i.c.k

Where's the sabr (patience) bro?

They say patience is a virtue, I guess they were right.

Sometimes I feel like brothers have very little patience when it comes to the whole zawaj thing but some sisters also act recklessly at times (they'll have their own hold up post too).

I won't say much about this as it's quite self-explanatory (i hope) but patience in all situations is always a bonus and particularly in this issue. 

Don't rush to marry a sister simply because she looks fine or because she seems religious. Take your time to require lenghtly but don't take years and years, make a decision and place your trust in Allah.

 - ... - to be continued

Be happy.. & SINGLE

Assalam 'aleykum waRahmatullaahi waBarakatuh everyone,

Ahlan wa Sahlan after what seemed like years and years.. of not updating the blog but hey, I always get amazed to see how many people regurlarly visit this blog on a d.a.i..l.y basis.

I had never imagined in my wildest dreams that people from all over the world would be reading my articles on Zawaj and find them interesting or beneficial..

                             Aaaah, this blog will make me famous one day *dreams away*

Journalist: 'So, Umm Z., how did you get this brilliant idea of starting Zawajland?
Me: If you knew how this all started.. a night, a friend, an idea and BOOM a blog!'

It's been nearly three years since this blog was created, a few articles, some criticisms (oh well!), lots of encouragements (oh yes!), my anonymity lost (oh noo!) but it's still going on.

However, I am not that naive to think that most of you guys are reading this because you're interested in what I have to say but most of you read this blog because it's all about marriage (you know that I'm right)

I'm pretty convinced if this blog was aimed towards other religious aspects .. it wouldn't be so popular. Kinda sad really.

And this leads to today's article.. why can't we be happy and single?!

- Why can't we just be happy to be single?

- Why do we always have to talk about marriage in our gatherings?

- Why are we constantly thinking about marriage?

- Why are brothers always standing in front of the masajids?

- Why are sisters not lowering their gazes?

- Why are we not happy with the Qadr of Allaah?

- Why do I have a blog on marriage?

- Why do you read my articles?

- Why aren't we happy to live with our parents?

- Why do we idealise our future spouse so much?

- Why do we have unrealistic expectations?

- Why are so short-sighted?

- Why are we so confused about love?

- Why are we so afraid of growing old alone?

Why, why & why?

Because we are never happy with what we have (most of us anyway) and for brothers even when they eventually get married, guess WHAT? And sisters who constantly fantasise about a bearded prince if they knew how chilled out life is at their momma and daddy's house, guess WHAT?
No, actually forget it!


All I'm trying to say here is that we should concentrate on things that are more important like improving our ownselves, seeking knowledge, being dutiful to our parents, being concerned with the Ummah. Marriage is not something we control so leave it up to the One who controls all things *simple*.

Being single is a blessing in itself that most of us do not realise, we all want to rush towards something that were it not for the Mercy of Allaah, we could have flopped and messed up. REAL BAD.

Now, I'm not saying we shouldn't get married (come on, that would be contradicting my blog!), just that it's not necessary to worry too much about it or to have 1000 theoretical discussions on who you think is the ideal husband/wife.

I know that this advice may not sound very appealing to a lot of you because the shahaawat (desires) are burning you and taking over your rational mind at times, if that is the case listen to what the Lord says in Surah Noor; verse 33:

'And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His Bounty'

Yes! Remaining chaste (physically, mentally) will help you be happy & single.

I will leave you with these last words to think about and ponder over:

Love is overrated. We are blinded by what we see from people surrounding us but if we were to open our eyes, we would surely see what real Love is.

I ask you by Allaah, have you seen a Love more pure, genuine, wholesome than the Love Allaah has for you?

I don't want to depress you but some of the greatest Islamic Scholars never got married, they had found the purest of Love.. they didn't need anything else...

Why do we?

Subhanaka Allaahuma, astaghfirullaahi wa atouubu ilayh.

Ila liqaa

2 Best Marriage Proposals Scenarios (Part 1)

Scenario 1:

Requirements: a good religious brother, a good religious sister, a nice wali, piety & tawakul (trust in Allah), lots of good & well-informed people/community

Brother Ahmad is a young practising brother who is looking to get married, he hears of Sister Khadija & decides to further enquire about her. He asks people around the community who might know her to give some insight into who the sister is, her family, her status (maybe she’s already married?). Maybe she is active within Islamic circles? Or maybe she is related to some people Ahmad knows? Maybe Khadija attends the same activities as Ahmad? Regardless, he finds informations about her & he is very happy about what the feedback he is receiving so he decides to pray istikhara & goes forth with it. He somehow manages to see Khadija outside to have a quick look before taking the first step in contacting the wali. Few days later, he is shown who the wali (most usually the father) of Khadija is & starts giving him salams in the masjid or wherever he sees him.

 Ahmad informs his parents concerning his intentions of going to Khadija’s father & asks his family to try and gather as much extra info he could do with. One evening, after Maghrib, brother Ahmad with his heart almost ripping his chest approaches Uncle Musa (Khadija’s father) accompanied by his father. Ahmad’s father calmly explains his son’s desire to get to know Khadija within the well-defined Islamic limits. Uncle Musa accepts & the very same evening informs Khadija regarding the news, Khadija is surprised but excited and agrees to get to know Ahmad. Within the next weeks, Ahmad comes regularly at Khadija’s house to discuss various issues pertaining to marriage, their views on different issues, to question one another, to present their ideas ect.. The meetings are carefully arranged & Uncle Musa is never too far away from the living-room. After a good number of meetings & with a determined heart, Ahmad decides to ask Khadija’s hand in marriage to her father. Uncle Musa asks Khadija and she blushes profusely & softly manages to say: ‘yes, abu’.

The happy news is spread & the wedding is scheduled.

Notes: In this scenario you do not find any of the following things:

-          No contact with the sister before the Wali is informed of the brother’s intention

-          No mixed message coming from the brother

-          No dodgy, secret and weird meetings outside the university or coffee place

-          No exchanging of pictures or phone calls

-          No naughtiness : p

Good things you find in this scenario:

-          Tawakkul in Allaah (swt)

-          A determined & well-prepared ‘plan’

-          Good information regarding what he is putting himself into

-          Honest & genuine approach

Scenario 2 will be published shortly inshallaah.

Marrying someone back home

Assalam 'Aleikum everyone,

Recently, two friends of mine married someone from 'back home' & I thought I would discuss the advantages & (potential) disadvantages of such a marriage.

Marrying someone ‘back home’ is starting to sound more appealing especially when I look at the state of brothers in the UK (see next post inshallaah) and here’s a quick list of the positive + negative points I came up with, feel free to add on in the comment section.

Positive Points:

-          Usually people ‘back home’ when they are religious are deeply religious, that’s something I noticed. They usually memorise the Qur’an at a young age & with tajweed, they usually have a good grasp of Arabic (depending where the country is), they have a good level of worship, in short, they tend to be serious with the deen. They are not stuck in the ridiculous debates we have been stuck in for the past 10yrs; they tend to be far-sighted & more humble. (Notice how I've used the word ‘usually’ 3 times in a row? I stress on the fact that not everyone is necessary like that.)

-          For brothers, well, the sisters ‘back home’ tend to be amazing chefs so I guess that’s a relief for most of you. They also tend to be good house-keepers, usually very shy women as well (something that sisters in the West are losing sadly). They’re also mature & you’d see a sister as young as 16 able to do so many things and be ready to be a mother. They don't moan too much and usually easily contented.

-          If you want to leave the West & its mad lifestyle and always wished to return to your homeland, the idea of marrying ‘back home’ might sound very attractive. Life ‘back home’ is sweet, stress-free and you genuinely feel at home and at peace.

-          People ‘back home’ obviously have good knowledge of the culture of the country so if you’ve always wanted your future children to know about your culture, then this might be a good solution. (A lot of people nowadays think that culture = bid'ah but I don't agree with this equation. Yes, in some cases the culture is in blatent opposition with Islam however, in other cases the culture & the deen go hand-in-hand.)

-          For sisters, I think most men from ‘back home’ are ‘real’ men who have gheerah (good jealousy) for their women, who protect them and take care of them. Many men in the West have real issues & don’t care about the women of their families let alone their wives. I have heard of many cases where the woman provides for the husband & is the one who pays the rent & brings the bread to the table (you may think: 'maybe the husband is ill or disabled? No, the husband is physically fit) -_- this would be an unimaginable scenario back home.

-          Mostly, the religious young people ‘back home’ have been preserved from the fitan of shamelessness/nakedness/free mixing/nightclubs or the rest of it & tend to be traditional in the way they behave, dress, act.. That’s a very strong advantage especially when you compare to the confused state of many young people in the West who are struck between their parents & their ‘high-school/university’ mates.

Negative Points:

-          Language Barrier: if you can’t speak your mother tongue fluently & the person ‘back home’ isn’t that fluent in English then misunderstandings will be very frequent. I mean, imagine you tell them a joke & they get angry at you because they misunderstood the joke or they ask you something & you have no idea what they’re asking. Communication is THE key for a successful marriage and language is THE way to communicate so make sure the two of you can easily understand one another before ‘tying the knot’.

-          Cultural Clash: yeah this is another big potential risk to bear in mind. They have traditions & ways to deal with things back home which can be extremely different from the way we deal things here in the West. You might want some privacy but back home, it’s natural to have family or extended members or people you’ve never heard of coming in & out of your house, it’s normal. If you have no prior knowledge of things like that then patience is a must.

-          Sisters: if you marry someone ‘back home’ then be careful because some of them just want that passport/visa/green card, I won’t generalise but you’ve probably heard of those cases where once the guy comes here, he divorces the sister without any reason so be careful.

-          In terms of religion, yeah there are some very dodgy beliefs out there. Many people ‘back home’ are very confused in their Aqeedah, believing in all sorts of tales & stories so make sure you speak to the potential partner regarding all these. Some people may have memorised the Qur’an yet commit shirk so easily (sometimes without realising).

Sometimes, people decide to marry someone from 'back home' as a chance to catch the 'last carriage of the train' but I don't think that's correct. Regardless, Allaah [swt] knows where everyone's destiny lies so for everyone who had never thought about this posibility, then why not give it a chance?

Subhanaka Allaahouma astaghfirullaah wa atubu ilayk

ps: For those who keep asking why I have this blog: I like analysing these topics but purely from a theoretical viewpoint so as to get the best deal when the time is right ^_^ (this is an answer for all those who think I have something on the corner.. you know who you are :p).

The Wedding Party (Walimah)

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Assalam 'Aleykum,

Let's imagine Sister X finally found the right Brother Y, the two families are happy, the mahr has been reasonably fixed (keyword: 'reasonably'), the day carefully chosen, the people informed and invitations sent out .. in other words, all is ready & set for the B.I.G Day.          ^.^

No doubt, the wedding day is most probably one of the most nerve-wracking experiences a woman or a man will ever go through, just thinking about it gives me goosebumps. But, as everything else in this religion of ours, this matter has also regulations & limits, there are ways to turn this day into the most beautiful day of your life or to turn it into a day where the shayateen are dancing & eating at your wedding.
This post will be essentially addressing the issues sisters commonly face, as for brothers usually their side is quite easy to handle; I mean they just eat, greet the groom, listen to a short khutbah, a quick du'a, nikkah pronounced and deal is done right? But the bride .. has to go through a whole bunch of steps before joining the compagny of her new husband..

              Things to DO at your Walimah:

1) BE in CHARGE or appoint a trustworthy person to be in CHARGE
Many religious sisters genuiely want to have a simple, quiet and sunnatic wedding party but sadly her family is not really hearing it from her. The bride rarely has a (big) choice during the actual walimah to have a say in what's being played or what's being said. She should just sit there & smile as widely as possible and let the people in charge do the things.. but who exactly is in charge? Is it the aunty who brought that singer for the night? Or is it that cousin who's video-recording everything?    ''/
Months or weeks prior to the Walimah, the sister should put things clear to the table with her closest family & tell them what SHE really wants. Someone has to be in charge during that evening, so make sure you choose someone you know can push back those ladies who might be complaining about the religiosity of the walimah. Someone who is on the same level as you with regards to the religion (who agrees with your ideas). Don't let other people (even though they're family) ruin your night by doing things you don't agree with. Be firm and place your trust in Allaah.

2) An Islamic Reminder/Lecture
Yes! This is so important & yet so neglected. It feels weird to go to a wedding where no mention of Allaah has been made, it's just wrong for people to gather at a place & leave without mentioning Allaah and sending salaam upon the Prophet 'aleihi salaam. In an authentic hadith, the Prophet 'aleihi salaam actually compared such people as people who have been sitting around a dead donkey. (check full narrations at the end of the post). So, definetely make some time for an islamic reminder(s).. give it a good half-an-hour or even an hour, why not? The only issue is that usually when the speaker starts with the khutbahtu-l hajja 'Inna-l hamdu lilaahi nahmaduhu wa...' the women start talking, looking, moving around & it gets very chattery. Make sure the person who will be delivering the lecture is someone who can make people sit back & shut their mouths for that time. Also, the person you will be appointing in charge will also have the responsability to maintain the calm and quietness during the reminder.

Today, I was listening to a program called 'Kursi-l Ulamah' and the speaker asked a question to the audience saying: 'Who knows where the Prophet 'aleihi salaam was when he told the sahaba regarding the lenghy hadith on the Intercession on Yawmu-l Qiyamah?' The audience gave different answers, I thought to myself: 'probably at a graveyard, after a burial' but I was wrong.
The Prophet 'aleihi salaam mentioned this to his companions during a  ...... Walimah!
SubhanAllaah, even during a joyous event such as this, he would remind his dear companions about the real Life, the real test, the real Akhira that's about to come.

3) Give Sadaqa!
Surely, I think we all want to have successful marriages with lots of pious children, great spouses ect..
So why do we not consider giving (more) than we used to for this occassion? I know sometimes after all the expenses the families go through, between: the hall, the dresses, the food, the new house, this and that.. it seems like everyone forgot about giving some sadaqah out?! Check this hadith out, reported by Abu Huraira from the Prophet 'aleihi salaam who said: 'The worst food is that of a wedding banquet to which only the rich are invited while the poor are not invited.' (Bukhari)
If you happen to live in the West, we don't really see poor people so I suggest you send some amount of money back home or anywhere Muslims are struggling with food as sadaqah on the occassion of your wedding, so that by the Permission of Allaah you will not be amongst those who forget the poor.

4) No men strolling in
This is extremely annoying. There's always that one or two weirdoes that turn up to a female-only walimah gathering (what an irony!) especially if it's in a hall. One way of getting rid of them could be to have some people placed at the entrance kicking them out or an uncle who can take them elsewhere! Sometimes, the owners of the hall (men) want to remain inside to supervise the event -__-  Other times, surprise surprise .. the waiters are male! It's very rare to have a 100% male free walimah unless you do it at a house because otherwise you really need to be very organised. You seriously don't want to take the risk that a man sees you uncovered before your own husband </3 especially when you were a hidden pearl all your life. The amount of time I have attended weddings where the bride is a religious sister yet on the night, there's a weirdo that comes in & she is on the platform for everyone to admire :s outch!
Once a sister was like: 'Please someone hide me!' 
It's sad and heartbreaking. So, organisation is of crucial importance.

5) No music
Yes, this is obvious but I thought it needs to be reminded again & again. Marriage is a way to get closer to Allaah [swt], it's worship, it's sunnah, it's good.. so why corrupt it from the very first night with music? As I mentioned above, in many cases, music is played against the sister's will and she is almost induced into it :( but she must take responsabilies and plan ahead. Also, sisters if you're invited to a wedding and music is being played.. give your salams/duas to the bride and hit home asap. What if you die in that place? Plus, a believer will never bear to stand to stay in that place..
Now, yeah the whole debate with nasheed also comes in here right? Some sisters have found nasheeds as an alternative to keep a festive & jolly atmosphere that evening .. InshAllaah this topic in itself is very lenghty & deserves a post by itself. Plus, I am myself, questionning this practice at the moment so once I have taken a position 'ala baseera (with knowledge + evidences) I will share my views with you all.

6) No Pictures
Arghhh! This is the WORST part of the walimah, when everyone takes their smartphones with the latest flash integrated and 'flash flash flash' at the Bride & bridesmaids. (by the way, quick advice: never ever be a bridesmaid! Unless you want to be exposed to half the world) Once again, what can the poor bride do on the night do stop this? Not much :( This is one of the most important things to be discussing when planning the walimah. I suggest if you are going to be sending invitations (which I think is very cute) to include in BIG BOLD Letters that absolutly no flash photography will be tolerated (write in your mother tongue language too). I'm sure few will still be tempted to take pictures and here the people you will have appointed will be your saviours that night and stop them from doing so. There might be one or two stubborn aunties who will say: 'What do you mean? I've known this girl since she was born, she's like my daughter, I have to have her picture. Don't you think she looks superb? Move away'  -__-
It can be intimidating but who cares! Your preservation is more important!!! Do not let other people walk over you or you will be bitterly regretting it otherwise.

7) Early walimah means you get to see your prince charming early
I don't understand why the women's gatherings are so late at night, almost when the last third of the night is there & Allaah [swt] descends at the lowest sky and asks: 'Who is there who is asking of Me that I may give him?..' you know that beautiful hadith right? What an irony isn't it?
I mean, women leaving their homes, late at night, wearing make-up, perfums, all sorts of beautiful things and going out to a hall... surely there is a better way than this? This is a bad habit we've developped and it needs to be rectified. If you don't usually leave your house late at night then why would you do it for your wedding? Easier said than done. But I believe it would take a few sisters to introduce earlier weddings for others to follow in this goodness. So, imagine the bride comes in at 10.30-11pm (after a long day) she's tired/nervous/hot/irritated, by the time it's over she's just even more nervous & exhausted and the poor dude has been waiting outside for so long, stressed out, panicking so much so that he's got no nails left!!!! (brothers, please do not bite off your nails, it's so ugly)

8) Wear appropriate clothing
Even though you're the bride, it doesn't mean you're not meant to dress modestly. Your 'awrah is still the same, it hasn't changed. And yes there's an 'awrah to keep even between muslima-2-muslima. Keep your dress beautiful, flowy, long and covering you modestly. Modest = beautiful. In terms of beautification, sisters the best beauty is the one of the heart (seriously) so do not approach those fake things, namely: fake nails, fake hair extensions, fake eyelashes, fake skin color (by using bleaching creams) because at the end of the day, all these will be coming OFF  & the real YOU will be there when Mr. Y will see you; so be natural and do not put yourself under the curse of the Prophet 'aleihi salam.

Ibn Mas`ud (May Allah be pleased with him) said: Allah has cursed those women who practise tattooing and those women who have themselves tattooed, and those women who get their hair removed from their eyebrows and faces (except the beard and the mustache), and those who make artificial spaces between their teeth for beauty, whereby they change Allah's creation. [Bukhari & Muslim]

That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure there are many more way of turning your Walimah into a great evening, filled with unforgettable moments with your loved ones. May Allaah [swt] guide us to strive for what pleases Him.

Subhanaka Allaahmouma astaghfirullaah wa atoubu ilayk.

PS: Here are the ahadith about the importance of having an islamic lecture/reminder @ your walimah:

Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "No people sit in a gathering in which Allah Almighty is not mentioned and in which their Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, is not blessed without it being a cause of great diminishment for them. If He likes, He will punish them, and if He likes, He will forgive them." [at-Tirmidhi]

Abu Hurayra stated that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "No people rise from a gathering in which they do not mention Allah Almighty without it being like rising from the carcass of a donkey and they regret it." [Abu Dawud]