'Many sisters opinions of polygyny would change if their husbands were going about it the right way'

Assalaamu alaikum, InshaAllah you are all in the best of health and imaan.....I am Umm Mujahid the new addition to Roadtrip to Zawajland.

For my first blog post I wanted to write about the highly debated topic of "Polygamy"..

The actual word is Polygyny - which means for a man to have multiple wives which as we know is permissible for our brothers. 

But the issue is many of the brothers who are embarking on the road of Polygyny are doing so without even knowing the rights and responsibilities of all involved, this is why the rate of divorce is so high amongst us as Muslims because we aren't taking the steps necessary to gain knowledge before seeking a spouse.

Many of the brothers are unemployed and lacking in knowledge. They claim to want to be in a polygamous marriage because it is closer to the Sunnah but that is a LIE... I'm not saying all brothers are the same but a large majority are and thats simply a fact!!!

I think many sisters opinions of polygyny would change if their husbands were going about it the right way.......for example the basic rights of a wife is for a husband to provide her with food, clothing and place to live but instead these brothers want the goverment to pay the rent and provide for their wives.

The line i'm hearing the most is " I will find a sister who is established to be my 2nd/3rd/4th wife " which basically means she has to be working or on benefits and have her own house so he doesn't have to provide anything!

It has been clearly stated in the Qu'ran :

"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means..." [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

"...but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them [women]..." [al-Baqarah 2:228]

I don't want to go on for too long but i felt this issue had to be addressed, I wrote this blog based on experiences that many of my sisters have had to deal with.

As women we have to remember we do not own our husbands and if he wants to take a co wife we cant stop him but if he is in no position to provide or be just to more than one wife we should advise them because he will have to answer to Allah for any injustice.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever has two wives and favours one of them over the other, will come on the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides leaning." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1141), Abu Dawood (2133), al-Nasaa'i (3942) and Ibn Majaah (1969). Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa'l-Tarheeb (no. 1949)

Al-Teebi said in his commentary on the words "with one of his sides leaning", i.e., tilting. And it was said that this will be in such a way that all the people on the Day of Resurrection will see him, so this will increase his punishment.

As for the brothers reading my blog i hope it is an eyeopener for you to see how sisters feel about this topic and the reasons behind us not wanting our husband taking on a co - wife.

Words from the scholars: 'Marriage is not lust and the woman is not just pleasure and enjoyment'

The noble Sheikh, the Mufti of the committee of major scholars in Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Abdul Aziz ibn Abdullah Aali Shiekh declared that marriage is not just about lust and fulfilling the desires rather it is security and living together and stability.

And the noble Sheikh said: Some of the Muslims have an incorrect understanding about marriage, understanding it in a way other than its reality. Some of them have an understanding that marriage is simply about fulfilling their desires, so although they might implement the legislated marriage contract, their intention with this marriage is not stability nor commitment rather he marries and in himself he is planning to divorce her, meaning he knows in himself that he will marry her for a specific time period even if he does not mention this or disclose this.

So he marries her due to his desire for her not to have serenity and peace of mind with her, but he only counts her as just a simple pleasure; so he s always on the verge of divorcing her and bringing in someone other than her. So he is a husband and at the same time he mixes this with the intention of divorce. And he does not want from the woman anything other than pleasure.

This is deception to the woman and dishonesty and misleading her; and if a man came to his daughter or his sister and he knew that he did not want her except for this purpose he would not allow him to marry her, but when it comes to other people s daughters he does whatever he wants.

And all of this is from deception and dishonesty and fraud and betrayal. And for this reason Islam has prohibited temporary marriage; and this is to marry for an estimated number of days for an agreed upon specific duration. Therefore this was made impermissible due to the harms that it contains.

And the Sheikh said: So what the person does not like for his daughters then he should not like it for the daughters of the Muslims.

And the Sheikh said: And some of the people might travel to places in order to find marriage for a specific number of days or months and he thinks this is a marriage contract and all of this is trivial to him, so he falls into sin.

And there are some who marry a number of women before (the other women he divorced) finish their waiting period. So he will merge the marriage to more than ten women in one month without any concern for the Islamic legislated contract.

And the Mufti said: The Muslim must have good judgment and he should not let his goal be to fulfill his desire in a way that is not in accordance with the Islamic legislation. And he must adorn himself with the manners of Islam, and he must look at other people s daughters just like he looks at his own daughters and his own sisters, and he should put people in the position that he likes to be in.

Therefore if the person believes it allowable to do evil to the daughters of others and to not comply with the Islamic standard and then he does not want this same evil for his daughters; then why this discrepancy? Where is the balance, where is the justice?

Unfortunately, there are some Muslims who make permissible that which Allah has made impermissible so in a matter of days they marry a number of women, all with the intention of divorce, seeking by this to gain some benefit (from the wife) in the summer or the winter or other than this, and Islam prohibits this. Therefore Islam wants for us to be well-balanced in our contracts and to put others in the position of our daughters and our sisters and to be truthful in our dealings.

And the Sheikh said: & and some of them go and travel and get married against the normal system and then they fall into sin or serious situations and perhaps they might abandon their wives or leave them and not return to them after they have become pregnant or given birth to his child, so this exposes the Muslim descendants to danger. And some of them don t care about their wives or their children so major problems occur as a result of this treacherous marriage.

http://www.sahab.net/forums/showthread.php?t=354427

I don't wan't to eat your disgusting food! Talaq!

I don't wan't to eat your disgusting food! Divorce me!


You have no ilm, you are so jahil. Please just divorce me!


You've gained weight Halima. Hit the gym or expect me to say the T word. 


If you don't come back from work at 5:59pm on the dot, I will divorce you. 


Eww, you're getting a reseeding hairline. Purchase some hair growth cream or I'm leaving you. 


Bismillaah,

Asalamu alaykum.

In recent decades the Ummah of Muhammad (saw) has seen a rapid increase in divorce. At (most times, I hope) for serious reasons but at other times it can be as silly as the incidents mentioned above. First of all, although I've never been married, I understand that not every marriage is written to work out. I also acknowledge that a couple may have differences which may lead them to separate. Alhamdulilah, Al Aziz knows His creation and He has not made divorce unlawful for us. However Allah ta'ala does not like divorce as stated in the Holy Qur'an: "The most hateful halal (permissible thing) to Allah is divorce" (Surah 2:102)


None of us plan to get divorced but some of us do. And only Allah knows if you or I will end up a divorcee. Our most powerful weapon is duaa. Thefore ask Allah to bless you with a spouse with taqwa and trust in Allah, and ask Allah for the same for you. Too many times we expect the spouse to be the one that should be better or more upright, which is incorrect. You need to look at yourself before looking to a potential spouse. Why should somebody marry you if you are not trying your best to obey Allah and be a good person?

This is advice for myself before anybody else. Just because you may be ready for marriage financially or physically, it does not mean that you will end up in a successful marriage. Be content with what Allah has given you and do not enter a marriage hoping that all your problems, insecurities and worries will disappear. Yes, getting a spouse will have a great benefit and blessing for you and Allah will reward you for following the Sunnaah of Rasoolullaah (saw) and of course Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear. But we are humans and we have flaws and we make mistakes which may led us to get divorced. We are not created like the Angels who listen and obey to constantly. So please do not imagine marriage to be look like the castle from Disneyworld. There will be ups and downs, disappointments as well as surprises, joys and moments which you will never forget. May Allah make us better people who fear Him and obey Him and may He attribute to us the characteristics of those who will enter Jannah. Ameen.

Will you marry me? And my mother, father, sister, uncle and aunt?

Bismillahi rahmani raheem,

Imagine if somebody asked you that, "Asalamu alaikum, would you be interested in marrying my entire family? I mean they're good people and all, who wouldn't wan't to marry them? So yeah, let me know if you're interested!" - I am pretty sure the majority of us would be left horrified after such an encounter. Perhaps some of us would even be flicking through Bukhari or Muslim trying to find a hadeeth which you could use to refute the marriage proposal. Or maybe, you'd say yes to marrying this persons entire family (because you're clever!)

Many of us become fixated on marrying just an individual. Yes, fine, you are going to have one spouse. It's going to be you and them living together, planning out your lives together and starting a family together insha Allah. There are only two people in a marriage (in most cases), right?

Well no. There isn't. When you're looking to marry somebody, you have to remember that this person did not land on Earth from Planet Beautiful. This person is a daughter or a son, a niece or a nephew, a granddaughter or a grandson. They belong to a family, and when you marry them, you marry the family. Now, don't plan on purchasing a massive bed for the extended family to sleep with you in - that would be disturbing and unislamic. But what I'm trying to get at here is, a lot of people before they get married, particularly the men, they tend to forget that the sister would like you to interact with her family. Go out with her father, do some food shopping with her mother, play on the play-station with her brother, paint her little sisters nails (OK, going too far) You get where I'm going though, right? Don't expect your wife-to-be to constantly entertain your parents, if you're not doing the same for her. I'm not encouraging rebellion in any way, what I'm saying is her family becomes your family and his family becomes yours. All one, no favoritism, no discrimination.

I am not suggesting that everybody should live with their in-laws and visit them 24/7. I know my parents want me out of the house as soon as I get married, so visiting them every single day would probably annoy them. However, I'm advising us Muslims to uphold the ties of kinship. Don't break away from your parents just because you get married. Come on, your mama been there for you since day!

5 Signs He's Just Not That Into Marrying You

Bismillaahi Rahmani Raheem,

We know we went missing for a while and for all those who were worried about us, we are alive and well alhamdulilah. We know it's Valentines today and that is not why we're posting, it was just a coincidence really.

Anyyywaaaay, so there's a brother who says he would like to get married to you. You're getting mixed messages from him even though he claims to be serious about it. Well here are a few things you should watch out for:

1) He has no plans to visit your father/wali, just yet 

If the brother has approached you & you sent him back, asking for him to contact your wali and his response has been quasi non-existant then, he's probably not that into you to have the guts and man-up to meet your father. The most common excuse is that: 'he needs time to get his head round visiting your wali.' Okay we understand visiting your father will probably be the most nerve wracking experience of his life (fathers can be scary), yes, but to avoid meeting your wali is in NO WAY acceptable.
How does he expect you to get married? After months or even years in a haram relationship?
Tell this brother to get outta here. He's not serious and definitely not ready for marriage.

2) He's not working nor planning to get any sort of income to support his wife-to-be

If the brother doesn't work nor is his father some rich millionaire nor is he willing to find a job, then I'm afraid it's not looking good at all! It's one thing struggling to find a job but quite another *if* he's not planning to start working. It suggests that he is not concerned about providing for his wife to be.
Allaah (swt) clearly says 'Men are the maintainers of women' in Surah Baqarah. So, if he isn't fulfilling this role, let him not put himself in the shoes of a man. A guy who 'really' cares will try his best, at any cost.

Note: seriously brothers, if you're not fit to marry then do not start something upon nothing. It's her right to be provided for.

3) He's coming empty handed at every meeting

If he does come over to your house for more than 5 times and he hasn't bothered bringing a little gift (to show that he cares) for either you, your mother or your siblings, something's not quite right there. Whatever happened to the old school habits of bringing a girl flowers or chocolates? Women like that old school stuff. In actual fact, guess what?! This brother expects you to give him a gift for the time he spent with you: 'So, sister, where's my attar?' There's something really odd there.. A man who truly cares about a potential wife-to-be, will do everything & anything he can to show that he really cares. Even if that includes putting the hand in that small pocket of his.

Attention: we are not at all promoting gold digging or materialism. Not at all.

4) He's got lost on the way

If the brother comes in, lowering his gaze, sits, looks at you and then whispers some words which sound like :A'thubilaah, astarfirullah' and then doesn't lift his head up. Or, if he is looking at the wall behind you or admiring the carpet instead of listening to you then I think the brother maybe hasn't got the right house.
Or, if he likes you but you're thinking: 'eerr, why have you got a blue sock and a grey one? No, no wait, why are there 5 holes in each sock?'
Or perhaps you're trying to figure out what color his khamees is: is it white? or some greyish/browinsh.. what the heck?' Right, I suggest both go their different ways, first impressions are always important!

5) He's always boasting about how many sisters want to marry him

If the brother starts the conversation by telling you how sisters always try to marry him (note: sisters run after this brother; miskeen), and he tells you how just on his way to your house, two sisters asked his number and he was like: 'Sorry sis, but I'm meeting another sister right now but if you want to book an appointment for 5 o'clock I can do that. Ask your wali innit.' This brother has a very busy schedule, maybe a bit too busy for you . Furthermore, it's a *major* mistake to mention any other female name in the first meetings, gentlemen: please write that down if you want a second meeting.

BONUS:- If in addition to ALL this, he mentions his urgent desire to marry another wife right after you (bearing in mind all of these situations), then Ladies I have one word of advice: this is the 'good talker' type of man. Once you detect the symptoms, you should run away far from him. We mean it, run fast. Even if it means pulling up your abaya and taking off your shoes to run fast.

Brothers, stop doing this! This applies to even you, Mr Pious!

Bismillaahi rahmanir raheem

Last night I had a phone conversation with a close friend which left me quite annoyed. Annoyed slash angry slash disappointed. Our conversation ended with a topic which left a sour taste in my mouth. Now, instead of going on a full blown rant about this certain 'thing' which a significant amount of brothers tend to do, I will illustrate to you a scenario and perhaps that will be a more effective way to make you understand what I am trying to tell you here.

The scenario:

Sa'diyah is 20. She comes from a good Islamic family and has been brought up well. She has for her whole life abstained from premarital relationships, friendships with the opposite gender, she covers in hijab and tries her best to keep her gaze lowered.

A brother who attends the same university as Sa'diyah, has become interested in marrying her and quite rightly so, she appears to be a chaste woman. Unable to get to her parents, he lets her know that he is interested in meeting her wali. Sa'diyah agrees and tells the brother she will inform her parents.

The brother admits he would have preferred to speak to her wali directly instead of having to speak with Sa'diyah before hand. The encounter between Sa'diyah and the brother, Yahya, is sift. No long conversation, no chit chat. She gives her father's name, phone number and the masjid he attends. Yahya thanks her and says he will contact her wali. End of conversation.

Sa'diyah has never been proposed to, therefore it's her first time that she realises a man is attracted to her deen and her beauty. There are a million thoughts and emotions running through Sa'diyah's head and heart. She is absolutely flattered, she's excited, she's nervous, she cannot believe a brother is interested in her, she feels beautiful, she wants to begin a family, she wants to be the perfect wife and she wishes also to be the perfect mother. You get the picture, this is a virgin girl who is about to get to know a man.

Sa'diyah now wishes to tell her parents beforehand, that a brother will call her father and visit them. This is one of the most difficult things ever that she has to do. She has never spoken to her parents about marriage, let alone spoken about men! She is their little girl, their innocent little girl and now she has to tell them she 'wants' a man?! Sa'diyah is overridden by nerves and feels her heart in her throat.

She doesn't know where to begin. How to tell them. Does she tell her mother, then her father or does she sit them both down and tell them together? How should she say it? What if they assume she spends her time at university speaking unlawfully with brothers all the time? What if they are disgusted by her? What if they say no?

Despite feeling sick, she eventually plucks up the courage to tell her parents. She tells her mother first. Her mother's reaction is surprise. Sa'diyah then regrets it and tells her mother not to inform her father because now she is reconsidering if she even wishes to get married any more. Sa'diyah's mother doesn't listen and tells her father. Again, you get the picture. This is one of the most embarrassing, scary, uneasy encounters a young woman will have with her parents.

You now know what it feels like to be Sa'diyah. Well not exactly, but you have some sort of insight now.

The brother,Yahya decides that he keeps quiet and doesn't call the father. For various reasons, he has yet to be 100% sure if he is ready for a wife, he is having 2nd thoughts, etc etc.

A lot of brothers tend to do this nowadays. They tell a sister they wish to marry her, she tells her parents asap - especially if the brother is a stranger to her parents and she doesn't want to proceed unlawfully. Yet brothers leave the sister to confront her parents with one of the toughest things ever she has to do in her unmarried life, and suddenly the brother is taking his time or disappears completely!

Please stop this brothers. If you wish to marry a sister then make sure that your words are followed up by actions. Not only do you humiliate the sister by leaving her parents asking her endless questions about when you will turn up but you hurt her feelings too.

Brother, if you want a sister to speak with her wali make sure that you will certainly VISIT or CALL. There is nothing worse you can do than to humiliate a chaste sister. Indeed actions are judged by intentions, however we must follow up our intentions with action. Sa'diyah and Yahya are quite obviously fictional characters, yet ask our sisters today if they been through something as similar to Sa'diyah's situation, a significant amount will say yes. And how do sisters view brothers who do this? To put it bluntly, they are cowards.

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I want a Sheikh!

Assalam 'Aleikum all,

I know I'm a roll lately - but blogging is fun and this topic is jokes so ya'll forgive me 'ey!

• Why is it that all sisters want a Sheikh? Like.. a Sheikh with the voice of Shuraim, the khushu' of Budair, the deepness of voice of Hudhaify, who can make beautiful duas like Sudais, with the emotion of Muhaisini?!      For real!

• Why is it that all sisters want a Sheikh with deep understanding of the very complicated areas of fiqh. Like if she asks him: What's the ruling on X or Y ; well he's straight: 'Qalaa Allaah wa Qalaa Rasuul..' [Allaah said, the Prophet said..]

• They want a Sheikh who has knowledge of ahadiths and who could narrate the Seerah to her as her bedtime story. (I'm serious) 'So, Habibti, the Battle of Tabuk happened and the troops got ready.. hbiba, wake up I'm not finished.. ZzzZz'..                             Beautiful!

• Why is it that all sisters want a Sheikh who will softly -I said softly- sprinkle droplets of water on her gentle little face to wake her up for Qiyaam-ul Layl every evening? Not only that, but since he's a hafiz.. well he can read the nice long surahs of the Glorious Qur'an with a soothing recitation that humbles the nafs to the max.      Awesome right?

• Why is it that all sisters want a Sheikh who also has a good profession [£ + $ = kerching!!!] and who can provides well for her. They want a Sheikh who's up-to-date with the latest technologies and can text whilst driving single-handedly and with his elbow on the window side.    You know what I mean!

• Why is it that all sisters want a Sheikh who attends all 5 prayers in the masjid (YES! Even the Fajr salaah), looking boom in his Khamis with a miswaak in the mouth and reciting the adkaar when going to and from the masjid.            Mashallaah!

• Why is it that all sisters want a Sheikh who can sometimes surprise her at the most unexpected of times and not just bring flowers at home. Something like: 'Here's your tickets for Hajj my dear'      How romantic!

• Why is it that all sisters want a Sheikh who is fluent in 'arabic and jungles between the 'Na'am', 'Ya3ni, Ya3ni' and 'Hayakallaah wa Barakallaah Feekum wa Jazakumullaah Kheiran Kathiran'     Ya3ni The language is important!

• Why is it that all sisters want a Sheikh who is respectful, honest, kind-hearted, romantic, humble, generous, patient ect..ect.. I'm afraid the list is very Long indeed.

DO YOU KNOW WHY?

Because, we dream too much :-p       *Wakey wakey* Such an individual probably does Not exist and even if he does, then he's probably somewhere faaaar! So, let's not make our expectations high especially when you, yourself are struggling with the minimum. There's nothing wrong in having minimum expectations, but please nothing like what I've mentioned above because it's just fairyland. I know, we all wish it was true.. I know! In Jannaah bi-ithnilaah if we make it we'll have all that and much more!

PS: When I'm saying 'Sheikh' I do not mean it in the literal meaning of the word which means: Old man but in the religious sense: someone knowleageable


Umm.Z